Sorry Ladies, Robert Pattinson Is Kind Of A Dud In Person

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Twilight violence-amongst-teen-women-inducing star, Robert Pattinson, is probably overwhelmed with everything that’s happening to him. He’s probably exhausted from all those Hot Topic riots. He probably doesn’t even realize what’s happening to him. Literally. Because I think he may have brain damage. Here he is answering some fan questions on the set of Ellen. Hate to break it to you, but I’m not sure he’s as dazzling (sober?) as he appears in the photos:

I really love how at the end he explains that he doesn’t really go on dates…and then his voice trails off. You know he’s totally thinking “Date? Who needs dates when you have a virtual p**sy vending machine at your disposal?”