While You Were Not Feeling So Envious Of Obama’s New Economic Team

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Twilight

  • Twilight racked up $70.6 million at the box office this weekend, crushing Bolt and a second-week Quantum of Solace. Turns out, there are a lot of teenage girls in this country.
  • Chris Brown was the big winner at the American Music Awards, snagging three prizes including Artist of the Year. Turns out, there are a lot of teenage girls in this country.
  • The government has issued a $300 billion rescue package for Citigroup including $20 billion in straight-up capital. Turns out, there are a lot of teenage girls in this country.
  • A Communist newspaper in China isn’t too happy about the album Chinese Democracy and the message it spreads to the world about the Chinese government or about how much goddamn time you can spend working on an album we don’t want anymore.
  • Bisexual twin sisters Rikki and Vikki, aka “The Ikki Twins,” will star in a Tila Tequila-spinoff reality show called “A Double Shot At Love” on MTV. The name “Double Shot At Love” was a last-minute change from its working title, “Literal Pornography.”