SYTYCD: Last Night’s Episode Was For The Cripples

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111so_you_think_you_can_dance.JPGLast night, So You Think You Can Dance was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Here’s my recap.

GENERAL NOTE: In the pre-taped segments before each dance, the couples confessed what they liked and didn’t like about their partner. Of course it was all fluff stuff like “he’s just so superstitious!” But I was hoping someone would say something really mean like “hmmm…the one thing that annoys me about him is that he just can’t dance!” or “I can smell her crotch from across the room.”

sytycd3.JPGMORAL DILEMMA OF THE EVENING: Whether or not one should smile like a fool during a dance choreographed for a crippled girl. The debate broke out after Twitch & Kherrington performed a dance for the choreographer’s sick daughter, throughout which Kherrington donned a “I’m-so-sorry-you-have-no-motor-skills” smile across her face. Mia Michaels was complaining that the smile was too much, but retreated after she realized it sounded like she was making fun of mute retards.

POINT AT WHICH I CRIED: I gotta admit, seeing a dance choreographed for a mute retard (to a Celine song, no less) really pulls at the heart strings, doesn’t it?

ANALYSIS OF EACH DANCE…after the jump!

Chelsea & Thayne: The choreography was blah and the outfits were ridiculous.
sytycd1.JPGChelsea looked like a one of those white paper thingys you put on the end of crown roast. There were locomotive metaphors all around from the judges, as Mia said they fell off the Hot Tamale Train, Nigel said the train derailed, and Mary put them in the caboose. I wasn’t too sad though, because Chelsea’s eyes kind of scare me.

Chelsie & Mark: MY FAVORITES!!! These two last week were insanely good (the part where he folded her in half as if he was closing up a fan? I cried). And this week, they danced the Argentinian Tango – which is exactly like the regular tango, except it’s way more whorey. Chelsie had this stringy dress on that showed her butt cheeks repeatedly as she kicked and twisted her legs, and Mark…hello, S E X Y T I M E! The way he stared at her, the way he had his hand on her back as if he was gonna pull out her spine if she wasn’t sexy enough…oh my!!! He makes a lady forget about feminism!!! Anyway, Nigel complained that it wasn’t sleazy enough, but if Mary’s orgasm was any indication, these two aren’t going anywhere for a while.

Jessica & Will. They did hip hop. I totally agreed with the judge’s complaint that Jessica was too chearleady. She seemed to be always one step behind Will, a/k/a Alvin Ailey The Third.

Kourtni & Matt. After the coupled danced the fox trot (this is a dance that people probably called ‘gay’ before gay meant gay), the judges made comments about how Kourtni is gigantic, but noted that her legs are amazing (which, if you haven’t noticed, are like lodgepole pines).

Courtney & Gev. I thought they did okay with the modern dance, but didn’t the choreography just feel like a Mia ripoff? I’m not surprised, the choreographer, Mandy Moore, also stole her name from a famous pop star.

sytycd5.JPGKatee & Joshua. These two were great again (after nailing it last week), this time dancing to a Broadway tune. Nigel went totally nuts and got out of his seat to do a victory dance. It was pretty amazing.

Susie & Marquis.
Susie *should* have been in her element, since they were doing the salsa, but she had her confidence shaken when the choreographer told her she was a “street dancer” – and didn’t really understand how to do the salsa. I predict this couple will be in the bottom three.

Kherrington & Twitch. Aside from the whole dancing-for-a-gimp issue, these two were pretty good. One part that bugged me was when the mile of fabric from Kherrington’s dress gathered all over Twitch’s head like a pile of dirty laundry. SLOPPY!

sytycd4.JPGComfort & Chris. Oh no. Super femme white boy doing crunk!! I agreed with the judges that it just wasn’t as sharp as it could have been. And Nigel’s demonstration of what crunking should be was simply amazing.

If you’re as antsy about tonight’s results episode as I am, you can keep track of how long you have to wait over the SYTYCD website, with their how-much-time-until-I-can-breathe-again countdown clock.