TOP CHEF RECAP: Diet Topper Cheffer — There’s Nothing Diet About It!

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The New Judge — Smartassed British food critic and author Toby Young:

Toby Young

Rejected Judge Candidates:

Rejected Judges

– In general, I enjoyed Englandy McSmartass and did admittedly laugh at his ‘cat food’ comment, though I feel like he was saving up the “weapons of mass destruction” line for like ten months since the very day he learned he’d be on Top Chef and was anxiously prepared to unleash it upon the first dish he tried. (“Hey everyone, meet new judge Toby Young.” “Weaponsofmassdistractionnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! Ahhhh, thanks, had to let that out.”)

– Young also tried waaaaay too hard to compare everything to movies (who does this dude think he is, me?) His desperate attempts to explain everything with movie similes reminded me of Matt Dillon’s forced “all I got are these damn Nepalese coins!” pickup line in There’s Something About Mary.

– Is Radhika actually getting cuter every week, or am I just pretending that she is because there aren’t any other hot female contestants left? It’s like when you’re in a class with no attractive women, by the end of the class you’ll somehow find the top two best-looking girls in the room hot by default. Radhika also posted a strong showing in the quickfire challenge with this surprisingly non-chutney dish:

Radhika

– ELMINATION CHALLENGE: Gene and Melissa going home??? Who could’ve seen that one coming??? In retrospect, it was probably a bad move for me to drive to Vegas last week, walk into the sports book at the Bellagio, demand that they allow me to bet on the show Top Chef, then put my entire family’s savings and retirement money on Melissa to win at 8:1. I could’ve at least flown to Vegas, it would’ve been cheaper and taken a lot less time.

– You know you’ve had a bad week when even the Bravo website is ripping on you:

Battle of the Blands

That’d be like the ABC website posting “Click here to stream last night’s Lost to watch Locke act like a whiny bitch!” (Also, is that a dude in a wig standing in for Melissa? I’m serious, I’m not trying to be mean.)

Tom and Toby– I loved the twist of having the contestants judge each others’ food while they’re also able to watch themselves being judged; it reminded me of the killer in Strange Days who forces people to watch video of themselves being murdered by him as he does it (choke on that ref, Toby, you amateur movie-analogy-forcer!) Pretty bad form by Jamie, too, to really vocally trash everyone’s dishes after she felt she had a good chance of winning. Example:

TOM: What did everyone think–

JAMIE: Sucks! Whatever dish you’re talking about really sucks — I wanted it near my mouth even less than Stefan’s c*ck.

TOM: …I was going to say what did everyone think of that weather yesterday?

JAMIE: Oh. Well the dishes still all sucked.

– QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: An exuberant Stefan celebrates Tom Colicchio’s unbridled compliment of his duck breast dish by slamming the nearby counter and yelling “Bah, Collecio, bah!!!” Stefan and Ebenezer Scrooge have very different interpretations of the word “bah.”

– I also loved Stefan’s devious exclamation, “Braised cabbage in an hour and a half! Germany and Austria are going mad!” As though we’re all aware of this vicious braised cabbage rivalry between the Germans and the Czechs; I was hoping Fabio would then be like, “I just poached an egg in twenty seconds! Suck on that, Luxembourg!”

– Oh, also, I’m assuming everyone else thought of the Lenoesque joke “This guy is a food critic in England? No wonder he’s so pissed off!” Everyone did? Cool.

DeliciousUpdated Power Rankings:

1) Stefan

2) Hosea (nondescript week for him, though)

3) Jamie

4) Jeff (gonna do something retarded one week and get voted off, and he’s-a gonna be piiiiiissed)

5) Radhika

6) Fabio

T-7) Leah/Ariane

Next To Go: Carla

Leave your thoughts on the new judge, the episode, and the delicious taste of Diet Dr. Pepper about which nothing is diet in the comments!