While You Were Organizing Your Own Minor League “Down With Shane” Campaign (Real Housewives Fans, I Know You’re Out There)

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  • And now, for no reason other than that it’s awesome, here is Tracy Morgan emptying his pockets at the airpor. And if the rumor is true, that isn’t a SAG Award in his pants…
  • The Academy Awards has asked famous Indian performer A R Rahman to open this year’s Oscars with a live performance of “Jai ho”, his nominated anthem from Slumdog Millionaire. Meaning even America’s reigning Queen Beyonce Knowles has been outsourced.
  • A study has found that cows with names produce 3.4 percent more milk than “herded” cows. And cows that you have special nighttime fun with? Well, one day, if you’re lucky, that very cow might give you her hoof in marriage.
  • Private investigators have discovered Olivia Newton-John’s ex-husband to be alive, after he staged his own death by drowning four years ago. Guess you really can hear “Summer Nights” one too many times. (Let’s face it, it’s like the gray giant-lined paper of karaoke songs. Admit it to yourself.)
  • Could this video be the first sign that Aretha Franklin’s hat has jumped the shark? Maybe not, but it’s surely a sign that God doesn’t exist.
  • And in a similar story, today’s episode of Bonnie Hunt will feature an exclusive clip of Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Kim auditioning for American Idol. (Oh, wait, is it OK to make fun of a fake cancer victim? It is? Then please, by all means check your local listings.)
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