LOST RECAP: Don’t Go In There, Desmond!

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This is a recap of Lost Season 5, episode 85 entitled “Jughead”. If you haven’t seen the episode and you keep reading, you will learn like three additional pieces of Lost information plus a bunch of retarded jokes.

DESMOND IS TECHNICALLY CHARLIE’S FATHER — WHAT A TWIST!

Angry DesDesmond decides to listen to his memory and track down Faraday’s Mother (who is presumably either Ms. Hawking from last week’s episode and Desmond’s past, or a really nervous bearded woman who can’t lie convincingly) and springs into action, convincing Penny to accompany him to Oxford and diplomatically dodging Penny’s request to promise he’ll never return to the island with the line “why in God’s name would I want to go back there?” (He never technically promised, though. Plus his fingers were crossed out of frame. He’s coming back).

At Oxford, Desmond shuffles through Faraday’s defunct maze-filled laboratory and runs into a maintenance man / walking encyclopedia who informs him that Faraday — whose research was funded by Forbes Magazine’s Shady Philanthropist of the Year ’97 Charles Widmore — abandoned the lab after unsticking a human test subject in time. Desmond visits the unfortunate bedridden Theresa, resists the temptation to spend 90 hours explaining to her caretakers what’s actually happening to her, and learns that Mama Faraday is in Los Angeles at the Lost west-coast office.

Desmond then immediate fails at an attempt to lie to Penny by telling her “Faraday’s mother is dead.” (If she hadn’t called him on it, the next sentence of his plan was “On a completely unrelated note, let’s fly to Los Angeles!”) Penny eventually accepts Desmond’s Des-tiny, at least on the surface, and Desmond, Penny, and their baby Charlie — AwwwWWWwwwwwwww heart boner! — head Hollywoodward. Wouldn’t it be crazy if their baby actually IS Charl–sorry, sorry, never mind, I’ll stop there.

Oh also, Ben is in Los Angeles and he vowed to Widmore last season that he was going to kill Penny, and now Penny’s coming right to him. Ooooops!

MAKING WIDMORE A WIDDLE-MORE LIKABLE

Remember that young-ish Other with the Australian accent who everyone was guessing last week was actually a young Charles Widmore? Turns out he was actually a young Charles Widmore (sur…prise…!) How do we know this? Because Alpert tells him “Put the gun down, WIDMORE,” which causes Locke to ask, “Your name is Charles Widmore?” and Widmore to respond “Yeah.” I don’t believe any question in Lost history has been answered this directly or succinctly — after that scene, I was still thinking “I don’t know, seems a little too obvious… maybe it’s actually Jin?”

 

Widmore then and now 

Widmore exhibited what almost appeared to be a conscience for the first time in Lost history, not only sharing a face-to-face conversation with the man he once deemed unfit to share a swallow of whiskey with him, but also by nearly begging Desmond not to get involved with his island antics for the safety of Penny. Could Widmore have left the island in the first place out of concern for his pregnant spouse giving birth on Babykill Island?

Also, I believe we can infer that if we were right about the Widmore prediction, we’re probably correct that the Dharma scientist’s baby last week grows up to be Miles. Do all four members of Widmore’s freighter-squad have past ties to the island? Expect to see a ten-year-old Other kid in an open Hawaiian shirt playing with a toy helicopter during a flashback next week.

LatinNOW I’M POSITIVE THAT LOST IS FICTIONAL

Every one of The Others speaks fluent Latin at a conversational speed? Are you kidding me?? This is easily the least plausible thing ever to occur in Lost, and possibly in the history of fiction. When the giant inexplicable life-reflecting smoke monster slammed Eko to death, I was like “alright, I guess that’s a little bizarre,” but if the monster had followed that up with an articulate full sentence of Latin on the fly, I would’ve been like “NO WAY, I am TOTALLY NOT BUYING THIS.” I’m confident anyone who’s ever taken Latin or seen Life of Brian had the same reaction.

MEANWHILE, DURING THE EISENHOWER ADMINISTRATION

Locke and Alpert reunite in the past, and Locke hands Alpert the compass that Alpert told him to hand him the next time they meet because he wouldn’t remember him (that sentence makes awesome sense and I’m not rewriting it or clearing it up). If you’ll recall from my “Cabin Fever” recap last year that referenced this way better recap, the compass was one of the objects that Alpert presented to kid-Locke when he visited him in the 50s and asked him “which of these objects already belong to you?” Kid Locke (not to be confused with he of “Bawitdaba” fame) picked up a vial of sand and the compass, of which Alpert approved, but then picked up a knife and apparently pissed Alpert off. Alpert obviously visited Locke expecting him to confirm their 1954 visit by acknowledging the compass, but could the knife mean that Alpert is in for a future event that he wasn’t quite prepared for? Or maybe Kid Locke just enjoyed the knife and Alpert stormed off because he was being unsafe? Definitely the latter.

CharlotteOh, also, Charlotte died or something. Anyone want to take a crack at what’s going on with her? I’m guessing Cloverfield-monster bite. Faraday clearly knew it was coming the whole time, as evidenced by a dozen exchanges like this –

CHARLOTTE: My head hurts a little.

FARADAY: HOLY SH*TTTTTTTTT IT’S HAPPENINGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! Wait, I mean, I’m sure it’s nothing.

CHARLOTTE: Oh, cool.

Daniel has either seen this same progression before with someone else and recognized the pattern, or he simply knew Charlotte’s destiny was to have some weird affliction and eventually collapse before the Lost end-titler. As with Jin, and any other “dead” character on Lost, I won’t believe that Charlotte is actually dead until I manage to acquire the golden ticket from Last Action Hero, walk into the Lost screen, and feel her pulse with my own hand with a team of 12 doctors each confirming the death (and even then I’d still be skeptical).

Alpert surpriseLEAST CLIMACTIC MOMENT OF THE WEEK

The woman holding Faraday and company hostage shouts into a tent “Richard!” and from the tent, a shadowy figure begins to emerge slowly, and then, after a swell of music, we find out that the man is……… Richard. As in Richard Alpert, the only character in Lost named “Richard.” I can’t believe they didn’t save that bombshell for Sweeps.

WINK TO THE AUDIENCE LINE OF THE WEEK

During the opening scene, Desmond responds to Penny’s many questions about his time travel memories by saying “I don’t know how this works any more than you do.” The honesty is appreciated, Damon Lindelof.

IN CONCLUSION

I wasn’t totally thrilled by last night’s episode, possibly because it was a Bye Week for Ben, Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sun, and Sayid, but I also just wasn’t super engaged by the Faraday-bomb stuff or Locke talking to Richard, and I can’t believe they spent a whole episode on Desmond trying to find Faraday’s mom that ended with him not even getting to the same city as Faraday’s mom. My Lostie friends disagreed (as did Doc Jensen, who thought it “rocked”), with most of them shooting back “but we learned so much information!” Yes we did, but this isn’t frickin’ Nick Jr., I don’t gauge my liking of shows by how much information I learned in them, I gauge my liking by liking them. It wasn’t a poor episode by any means, but I feel like having a Lost episode without Ben is like going to a steakhouse and not ordering a creepy evil dude who makes cool sh*t happen.

Leave your episode thoughts, theories, comments, observations, and gushing Desmond-love in the comments, please — I have to go accept a Pulitzer for that last analogy.

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