In an introduction straight out of Eight Mile, Ryan tells us that these 147 American Idol hopefuls, whittled from a cast of thousands, only get one shot, one chance to show America what they’ve got. It’s Hollywood Week at Idol and that means we’ve got to seriously narrow our contestant stereotypes down – only one barefoot Earth mother, one wacky necktie guy, and one dream-following single mother can stay. On this episode, the judges eliminated 43 contestants, dozens of poor song choices were made, there was one inexplicable, sparkly fanny pack and five especially amazing moments to discuss…
1. Dennis Brigham Takes Rejection Poorly
Poor Dennis Brigham. Just because the guy made some wacky faces while singing “For Once In My Life,” the Kansas City singer received some harsh criticism from Simon Cowell. Not one to take face critiques lightly, he mouthed off to the judges when he was eliminated. While I was going to make a joke at some point in this competition about how Simon loves cotton v-necks so much he should shill for American Apparel, Dennis drove the point a bit further by angrily telling Simon, “For someone so rich, your pants are very, very cheap. With that cheap, very lame shirt you got on.” Not the most graceful way to exit the show, but I’m so glad someone else noticed the t-shirts too.
2. Nick Mitchell IS Norman Gentle
As evidenced in his first audition, metallic-shirted Norman Gentle had a bizarro-clown persona with a good voice lurking below. The big reveal last night was that Norman Gentle is not a person, but a character created by a normal guy named Nick Mitchell. . .from Vermont? That sort of Weird Al-meets-Tenacious D thing actually worked for Nick/Norman and he managed to convince even Simon to send him through to the next round. He also gets extra points for yelling “Seacrest!” during his song.
3. Gravel-voiced Jackie Tohn IS Janis Joplin in a Sequined Fanny Pack
Not much can be said about the woman’s audition since the gold fanny pack she wore had hypnotic qualities. I’m pretty sure it helped me quit smoking and stop my compulsive eating habit.
4. The Return of Bikini Girl a.k.a. Katrina Darrell
It wouldn’t be shocking if Katrina Darrell from the Phoenix audition manages to alienate every woman on the Idol set during her time there. Not only does she not have a fan in judge Kara DioGuardi, but Paula isn’t loving her either. Paula. Who loves everyone. Simon and Randy on the other hand, are clearly mesmerized and Seacrest’s opinion hasn’t been heard because Katrina hasn’t stopped eating his lips yet. Bikini Girl’s rendition of Faith Hill’s “Breathe” was not especially strong but her “je ne sais quoi” (or is it her “Voulez vous coucher avec moi”?) managed to get her through.
1.Barry Manilow and His Expressionless Face Show Up to Discuss Preparation and Opportunity
(To the tune of Copacabana)
His name was Barry
He gave a pep talk
He wore suits and teased his hair
And talked to kids in folding chairs.
At the Kodak! Kodak Theater.
He talked of song choice
While never once
At the Kodak! Kodak Theater!
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Kodak!
Tonight night we’ll eliminate even more hopefuls, draining them of that hope and just making them empty shells of people. See you then!