LOST RECAP: View From The Nosebleed Section

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The following is a Recap of Lost Season 5, Episode 4, entitled “The Little Prince,” originally airing February 4, 2009. If you continue reading without having seen the episode, it’s gonna totally spoil for you that Jack shot Kate this week, so don’t read on.

MEET THE NEW BEN, SAME AS THE OLD BEN

Gentle BenMy cries of “See, Claire’s mom hired the lawyer, that was a little predictable” were short-lived, as we learned that the lawyer sent to grab Kate’s DNA sample was actually property of Gentle Ben, who merely hired the dad from My So-Called Life to pressure Kate into his island return-party, with apparent success (Claire’s mother, as it turns out, just sits in hotel rooms looking at pictures of Claire). After Ben’s lawyer sprung Hurley from his brief, peaceful stint in county lockup, the “Island Or Bust” crew was batting 5-for-Oceanic-6, with only Sun currently out of the picture…

…But not for long, because Sun has acquired a gun either through illegal means or by purchasing a very lucky box of chocolates and should be on her way to attempting to kill Ben next episode (the next-week preview showed Ben already talking Sun down), plus we know that Ben wants to kill Penelope who’s also on her way to Los Angeles, so we’re basically headed for one giant Lock, Stock-style Mexican standoff between Ben, Sun, and Penny (Penny will just draw a gun on Ben for the hell of it). Because Ben is Ben, he’s going to succeed in talking Sun down, but there’s no way the show kills off Penny and chops off the one kindhearted subplot in the show’s history, right? At that point, you might as well just kill Hurley too and change the show title to “People Who Aren’t Good.”

Either way, Ben is clearly succeeding in reuniting the Six whether or not the Six actually trust him; Sayid’s line “The only side he’s on is his own” will be the tagline of a Jason Statham movie before the year is out. Ben’s next task? A Talking Heads reunion.

UHHH…MR. FARADAY, WE ALL HAVE NOSEBLEEDS

NosebleedsFaraday explained (poorly) that Charlotte’s hemorrhage/seizure/space-dementia last week was akin to a form of time-induced “really bad jet lag,” and that Charlotte experienced the condition first because she had spent the most time on the island in the past (excepting Faraday himself, who is immune to the condition because of his constant). Miles experiences the nosebleeding second despite “never being on the island before” (Miles hasn’t figured out that he was the doctor’s baby yet? Does he not read our recaps?), followed by Juliet, who’s either experiencing the condition third or Miles punched her in the nose offscreen for making her dumbass ‘Juliet face’ all the time.

Juliet GiaSidenote: When Sawyer and Juliet were about to kiss, no fewer than five people in the room with me (myself included) were shouting “No, no, come on, don’t do it, Sawyer,” then yelled “Yes!” when Juliet’s nose started bleeding. I don’t care how blue the editors attempt to make Juliet’s eyes in post-production, she’s still not hot, and yes, I’ve seen the movie Gia and that doesn’t count — she was naked and I was fifteen, she could’ve had a vomiting Swastika for a head and I still would’ve been all over that. What does the lesbian scene from Gia have to do with Lost? Ask Doc Jensen.

Also, I’m not totally buying the island’s rules for what travels through time and what doesn’t. The castaways travel through time, as do their clothes and any objects they’re holding, but all manmade structures and other island inhabitants don’t travel with them, but their canoe did travel with them because they were touching it. So the rule is “Any inorganic material touching the travelers or the travelers’ clothes travels?” I assume Locke couldn’t have grabbed Alpert and taken him through time, but what if Locke was holding a rotisserie chicken? It’s organic, but also an object, so would that have traveled? What if he was sitting on the chicken and only his clothing but not flesh was touching it? Whatever — I shouldn’t have access to a place where I type things and other humans read it.

“I KNEW JIN WAS ALIVE” / “I KNEW JIN WAS ALIVE” / JIN-X!!!

Who washed up onshore this week but our (third)-favorite still-alive Lost badass, Jin! The following pie chart illustrates how many Lost-watchers were actually surprised by this:

Lost Pie Chart

Jin-xThe delirious Jin encounters a still-pregnant Danielle Rousseau, mother of Alex, who washes ashore with a group of angry French scientists (every stranger in this show is so quick to anger — it’s like Curb Your Enthusiasm with time travel and 100% fewer Jews). This confirms that Jin too is jumping through time, but the Rousseau reveal wasn’t much of a climax for an episode-ender, as we assume she’ll be gone in a flash early on to next episode. OR WILL SHE?? Yeah, she probably will. I was also just attempting to wrap up my paragraph with a crappy cliffhanger. See how it feels, Abrams? (He’s definitely reading this)



INCESTUOUS THEORY OF THE WEEK

Faraday and Charlotte are brother and sister, born to the gun-toting woman from last week, with Charlotte born on the island (hence her experiencing the nosebleed before The Morning Show with Miles & Juliet). Daniel does in fact “love” his sister, but they’ve never made out (that we know of), and Daniel and Charlotte have different accents because they were raised separately, a la every Van Damme movie ever made.

LODDSTS AND ENDS

Locke– Kate channeled some Michael this week with her declaration, “Leave MY SON alone!” Next thing you know, she’ll be picking up Charlie’s heroin habit.

– It comes as no surprise that Miles was a big Ren & Stimpy fan; obviously, no one here missed that “Oh joy!”

Locke straight-up admitted that the “light” he saw in the past after Boone’s death was nothing special. I wish characters did this more often so we don’t end up obsessing over stupid meaningless crap. WAIT — what if Locke was lying? Dammit, I hate this.

– Sawyer saying “son of a bitch” has crossed from “expression that’s funny because it’s way too frequent” to “conscious, intentional catchphrase.” ABC should play studio audience applause whenever he says it.

In general, this was the third straight episode that satisfactorily answered more questions than it raised, a new Lost record (previous record: about half an episode). It’s like when you download a whole bunch of new albums, then you listen to one album before downloading more, then your friend gives you a bunch of music, then finally, after five years of acquiring music rapidly, you’re like “ok, this is ridiculous, I’m gonna start listening to some of these cds,” and you really enjoy them.

Also, all of those cds I mentioned in that analogy? They were polar bears. Some twist, huh?

You know the drill, Lostphiles — episode thoughts, theories, observations, and Jin-love in the comments, if you please.