As soon as news about Alex Rodriguez allegedly failing a steroid test in 2003 broke, I immediately thought to myself, “I hope the New York Post headline-writers don’t die of excitement heart-attack orgasms before they’re able to crank out some insulting headlines before they’re able to cover this.” Fortunately, the Post not only covered the story in typical pun-tastic fashion, they cranked out no fewer than five unprofessionally judgmental headlines in two days, an impressive feat even by the Post’s lofty A-Rod-ripping standards. Here they are in order of least most judgmental to most judgmental:
The classic “A-Fraud.” Not super creative, but nothing wrong with dusting off an old standby every now and again. It gets worse (/better)…
A-R*od — slightly more clever, little classier, and opens up the Barry Bonds comparisons. Getting warmer, Post…
Even the headline about players asking why A-Rod was being unfairly targeted makes A-Rod seem lonely and pathetic. Clearly unintentional.
We’ve been working the ‘A’ part of his name pretty good, but let’s make sure we turn every syllable into a slanderous insult. Now how can we rip on the ‘-lex’ part? How bout, “Al-Sex With Madonna Just Got Even Jucier?”
Ahhh, screw it, let’s just call him an a**hole in giant bold type on the front cover of our news publication. Maybe Tuesday’s headline should just be “MOTHERF*CKER”?