It was a night that seemed to go on for hours, didn’t it? Last night’s Idol was the first round of semifinals where we got to watch twelve contestants vie for three final spots and it was a learning experience for everyone. First, let’s hope Kara learned to move about three inches away from the microphone, amIright? Girlfriend had a few too many close encounters with that thing. We the viewing audience learned Barney Stinson and Sam Malone love to be a part of a live studio audience. Steven Fowler learned that “Rock With You” is off limits to anyone by Michael Jackson during his sequined jumpsuit phase, and finally Tatiana seemed to learn her lesson that crazy is okay as long as it’s in small doses.
5. Tohn Deaf
Jackie Tohn, the gravel-voiced singer with the high energy and occasional fanny pack kicked off last night’s show by singing “A Little Less Conversation”. While we weren’t terribly happy with the overall performance (to quote Simon, “You played the clown tonight” and to roughly quote all four judges “Girl, your voice stunk”) we were even less happy with her choice of pant. Tohn tried to rock a look that only (or maybe not even) Olivia Newton-John in her final scene of Grease could pull off, the tight, shiny legging. While she did inspire us to Get-In-Shape, Girl, we were totally uninspired in every other way.
4. Stevie Wright is the New Spaghetti Cat
Stevie Wright performed a lackluster cover of Taylor Swift‘s “You Belong With Me” (when we say lackluster, we are being polite), but what we’ll remember her for most of all is not her singing at all. While booting up the recorded footage of Brent Keith, some lowly Idol PA hit the wrong button, freezing a still shot of Stevie on the screen for a few seconds. Ryan and Brent were frozen in their tracks for a second and Ryan could only muster a “Well that wasn’t Brent Keith,” before the right footage was finally found. We couldn’t help but think that Stevie, even for a brief moment, was pulling a Spaghetti Cat and inserted herself in there.
3. Ann Marie Boskovich – Burn!
We always liked Ann Marie Boskovich for keeping it real, she’s been cool and pretty under-the-radar so far and she won our heart even more last night. During Kara’s critique of her performance of “Natural Woman”, Kara tells her she wishes she sang something “more like Sara Bareilles “Love Song”, something more fun, something —” “Something not as good?” Ann Marie shot back. Simon and Randy definitely enjoyed that zing and we enjoyed watching Ann Marie stay honest – we’d rather hear an Aretha cover any day, too.
2. Facey Carlson
If there’s one thing we can’t stand, it’s when an artist covers a song originally sung by someone of the opposite sex and they change all the pronouns in the song. Like for instance when Casey Carlson murdered “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” by singing about how everything little thing he does is magic, everything he does just turns me on. We’re willing to overlook her awful rendition though because she provided us with such an amazing gallery of facial expressions while she sang. Between the “Valley of the Dolls” hair and the Janice Dickinson like faces, we loved every second of this performance, so long as the sound was off.
1. Tatiana Takes it Down a Notch
It’s obvious that certain contestants are given a pass on the show because they’ll get good ratings, and Paula had a point when she told Tatiana that she was the most talked about contestant on the show so far – we can barely go an hour without forcing someone to have a conversation with us about her. But Tatiana toned it down last night, perhaps as a result of seeing herself look so cray-cray on camera during Hollywood Week, and gave one of the night’s best performances, singing “Saving All My Love For You”. She told the judges that her friends told her they weren’t aware of her crazy laugh, and Simon, who last week asked Tatiana to cool it with the annoying, even went so far as to tell her “You’ve got to lose this slightly weird demure thing you’ve got going on at the moment.” Who knew? Tatiana chalked it up to the multi-facetedness of being a woman but that’s just doing a disservice to our gender. We’re actually starting to think she’s just a secret marketing genius.