LOST RECAP: …Aaaaaaaand We’re Back!

|

The following is a recap of Lost Season 5 Episode 6 entitled “316″, originally airing February 18, 2009. Wait, really? “3:16?” Even I get that Bible reference, and I’ve never even seen a Bible, or any books for that matter. Might as well go ahead and title the episode “Jesus.”

YOU CAN APPARENTLY BUILD PLANES OUT OF MARIO 3 WARP WHISTLES

Ajira AirwaysThis week’s installment of Took Us Five Damn Seasons But The Plot Finally Moves Forward opened in Ms. Hawking’s underground Science Center, with the now-confirmed mother of Faraday illustrating to the Oceanic Two plus Desmond how to return to the island using a floor map and a pendulum (and presumably a visit to her Planetarium, in the deleted scenes). Hawking instructs the group to take a specific Ajira Airways flight to Guam that passes over the island’s “future” location and to include as many of the original travelers as possible as well as any object owned by Jack’s father.

When Jack reacts with skepticism, Hawking delivers THE MOST self-aware line in the history of Lost’s many self-aware lines:

“Stop thinking how ridiculous it is!”

Gettin’ a little defensive there, Lost producers? Might as well have had her yell into the camera “I know some of this is magical and stupid but just ignore the couple dumb plotholes and focus on the cool parts, alright? Seriously — Ben is about to do some really crazy sh*t, so just keep watching, it’s gonna be worth it. Anyway… So, Jack…”

Jack SledgehammerThe opening scene also marked the slowest, most obvious information reveal of the season — Hawking explained that scientists tracked a number of electromagnetic disturbances, “But they were only interested in one,” to which Sherlock Sun replied “…THE ISLAND?” As if Hawking was gonna reply, “No, actually, it was a flying castle in Scotland, not the magical island where most of this show has taken place and that I specifically brought you here to talk about.”

Also, did anyone else find it a bit risky that Hawking kept the expansive, legendary ‘island’ equation on a damn chalkboard? She never thought to copy it to something more reliable? I was hoping the episode would end with her saying “Now it’s time to return to — oh crap! Someone drew a d*ck in the corner of the chalkboard. Guess we’re never gonna find that island now. I kept telling myself, type that thing into Word and save it, but just keeeept putting it off…”

Ben BloodyWHAT’VE YOU BEN UP TO?

Ben departs for a series of shady off-camera events after telling Jack that he has to uphold a promise to a friend — “just a little loose end” — which we first assumed meant his promise to Widmore that he was going to kill Penny, but Ben actually ended up trying to burgle a kid’s booby-trapped home and took an iron to the face.

Meanwhile, Jack encounters a broken-down Kate in his really blue bedroom, who also suddenly wants to return to the island as long as Jack “doesn’t ask what happened to Aaron.” I’m guessing this means that Ben sent someone to reclaim Kate’s surrogate son and either succeeded or, more likely, Kate had to hide him somewhere safe (though are there any characters left she can trust? Maybe Widmore?)

Kate changelingJack then runs into Hurley at his airport gate, and Hurley also has decided to return to the island but also gets immediately defensive and won’t explain to Jack what happened. Did Ben just rape everyone or something? Everyone was so horrified and eerily silent — maybe next week’s episode will lead to a Lost: SVU spinoff.

Sayid also boards the plane in the ‘custody’ of a female police officer, giving the group five of the Original Six, minus Aaron but plus a newly-bloodied Ben and — why the hell not — Frank the helicopter pilot. All these passengers plus Jack’s dad’s shoes on Locke’s body scored them enough Similarness Points to warp off the plane and onto the island via their own fade-to-white Finalcut transition.

Next week’s episode appears to focus on the life and death and life again of Locke (thanks for the Spoiler Alert, “Next week on Lost“, but I imagine a flashback episode revisiting what suddenly convinced Kate, Hurley, and Sayid to fly Ajira is on its way.

JACK’S CONVERSATION WITH AJIRA AIRWAYS, THE UNCUT VERSION

AIRLINE EMPLOYEE: Why are you transporting Mr. Bentham’s body?

JACK: Haha…his dying wishes.

AIRLINE EMPLOYEE: Are you a family member?

JACK: Just a friend.

AIRLINE EMPLOYEE: Who will receive him once he gets to Guam?

JACK: Me, actually.

[PAUSE]

AIRLINE EMPLOYEE: Sir, are you planning to have sex with this corpse?

[PAUSE]

JACK: …Yes.

JinTHE BIG REVEAL

The episode concluded with Jack, Kate, and Hurley waking up on the island, only to be confronted by — dun dun DUN!!!!!!!!!! — Jin. We learned that Jin, the character who we learned to weeks ago is still alive, is still alive. Is “sh*t we already know” the new “plot twist?”

WORST LINE OF DIALOGUE IN THE SEASON SO FAR

Jack sits next to Kate on the plane and starts a conversation with, “This is pretty crazy, huh?” Apparently the original line in the script was “Soooooooo…how bout this weather?” but the producers decided to make it one one-billionth of a percent less small-talky.

I do like that Jack respected the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign and didn’t go over to Kate until it turned off. You don’t want to do anything too risky while you’re attempting to warp off a plane onto a time-traveling island based on a decades-old mathematical equation on a chalkboard.

AND FINALLY

Did anyone else find Locke’s note to Jack to be just a little childish?

Locke Letter PS

Alright, Losties, episode thoughts, comments, predictions, favorite parts, etc — leave ‘em in the comments. Keep all stories of Ben molestation to yourself, though.