“It’s too late for advice now,” Simon Cowell ominously responded when Ryan Seacrest asked if any of the judges had a nugget of wisdom for this round of contestants. This week’s performances included a couple of seasoned performers, two single mothers, two high school students, a Norman Gentle, and a guy who has Kate from Jon and Kate Plus 8’s hair, only his is black. (But seriously Adam Lambert, the good news is that dogs across the neighborhood finally got a version of “Satisfaction” that they could hear properly, so thank you, feel free to retire now.)
5. Norman Gentle Rides Again
Much as we want Norman Gentle to stick around, we don’t think he’ll be here forever. As Ryan said after Norman groped the American Idol signage, “That’s the first time a contestant has gone to second base with our logo.” We loved his performance because he basically used the song “And I Am Telling You” to tell us he was not going. We love that as soon as he sang the words “I’m not going,” he knocked on plastic too. Plastic is just as good as wood in Norman’s world. He’s quirky and weird and yes, we agree with Paula that this isn’t the right stage for him, but we’d love to get a few more performances out of the guy to see how far he can get. Also, he called Simon “Sassy-pants.”
4. Put Georgia Back on His Mind
When Matt Giraud took the stage to sing Coldplay’s “Viva La Vida” our biggest fear was that he would try to imitate Chris Martin‘s erratic dancing that irks us so much because it’s so damn spazzy. By the end, we were wishing for some dance moves to distract us from his terrible rendition of the song. While we fully expected the judges to rip Matt apart, they had nothing but love and high hopes for him, telling him that it was just a poor song choice. “Chris Martin is a different kind of singer. Chris wouldn’t be singing Ray Charles. YOU can and you slayed it,” Randy told Matt, referring to his Hollywood Week performance. “I don’t know if it was the right song, but I did hear you go for it and I hope to see you here next week,” Paula told him. “You turned into kind of a wannabe pop star in a kind of jerky, uncomfortable way. It put me off you,” Simon told him. While we wouldn’t go that far, we did think the judges remained surprisingly optimistic about Matt — could there be a wildcard in his future?
3. The Iraheta’s On
Sixteen-year-old Allison Iraheta seemed like she was on some kind of muscle relaxer when Ryan tried to hold a pre-performance interview with her last night. Sample dialogue from that painful moment included:
Ryan: “You were in public school and now you’re in Idol school, how does class work?”
Allison: “You wanna know?”
Allison: “Oh you wanna KNOW. Uh, it’s a room.”
Ryan: “Is it easier?”
Ryan: “Less hours?”
Allison: “Yeah. Uh. No. It feels like a lot of hours ’cause, uh, you’re in a room. Just, uh closed. up.”
Ryan: “By yourself?”
Allison: “Not by yourself. But it is.”
If she were, say, quoting Bjork lyrics, that would have made perfect sense, we worried though that maybe this nervous-crazy energy would put us off of Allison for her performance. The judges all agreed that her offstage persona should be disregarded though, because after singing “Alone” she blew everyone away with the night’s most powerful female performance.
2. Megan Corkrey Got a Middle Name
Introduced last night as Megan Joy Corkrey (that’s new, right, the Joy part?), the retro-smokey-voiced singer wowed the judges with “Put Your Records On.” Didn’t wow us so much with her footwork (were her feet glued to the floor?), but hey, it’s not a dance competition.
1. The Completely Forgettables
When we were sick last weekend, our mom suggested we stick with the BRAT diet — bananas, rice, applesauce and toast — because it’s so bland. Ladies and gentlemen, the BRAT diet now includes Jasmine Murray, Kris Allen, Matt Breitzke and Jeanine Vailes. Sorry guys, but your performances did nothing for us. Now that Michael Sarver has already earned his blue-collar spot in the competition, the outlook is grim for Breitzke who didn’t bring it this week (but thanks for the Tonic song, we haven’t heard that since college!). Jasmine’s downfall was her youth, Jeanine’s was her age and penchant for fist-pumping, and Kris Allen’s problem was that we love the “Man in the Mirror” video so much that we can’t associate the song with anything else. (It includes footage of Baby Jessica being rescued from that well, is there anything better than that?) Unfortunately, the “forgettable” trait Simon’s always talking about holds true for these guys, in our opinion.
In our completely non-scientific, possibly delusional minds, we predict this week’s winners will be Allison Irahita, Kai Kalama (because he’s so darn cute) and Jesse Langseth who we fell in love with this week. Matt Giraud will probably get the judge’s wildcard vote. We could be totally wrong so don’t take our word for it, we’re secretly pulling for Norman Gentle after all.