During last night’s results show, three lucky (some would say very lucky) singers made it to the finals. Some of our predictions from yesterday came true and some did not. It seems that America loves an underdog (a Michael Sarver, if you will) and last night’s Michael Sarver was, inexplicably, Kris Allen. We did not see that coming. The one obvious choice, Allison Iraheta, made it through with no complaints from us, but of the two men who made it through in this competition, one could be an extra on Gossip Girl and the other could be an extra in The Unofficial and Unnecessary Story of Pete Wentz, and neither will beat Danny Gokey. We also learned we’re pretty crappy at making predictions.
After a labor-intensive (to watch, anyway) version of Ne-Yo’s “Closer”, Ryan explained that more people than ever – 25 million – voted on the previous night’s show. So roughly the entire state of Texas participated. What we love about these results shows is how quickly they seem to fly by. Sure, we have to endure the recaps of the judges’ comments which can sometimes be unnecessarily painful or, in Jeanine Vailes‘ case, unnecessarily about how her legs come up to Ryan’s chin and can reflect sunlight to send distress signals to passing planes. Yet they manage to deliver results in, if you have DVR like we do and can fast forward all the irrelevant bits, about eight minutes. It was worth not fast-forwarding the “Idol Retrospective” montage though just to see Crying Sanjaya Fan and crazy auditioner Mary Roach who wowed the judges with the voices in her head. We miss you, Mary. Miss you too, other person speaking through Mary.
The first group Ryan called to the stage consisted of Allison Iraheta, Jesse Langseth and Michael Sarver’s biggest competition in the neck-circumference competition, Matt Breitzke. We predicted that Allison would get it – not a stretch, she was the clear favorite at least among the women, and it was pretty obvious that, when grouped with Jesse and Matt who were both good but not great, she would come out on top, and she did. Though Matt had the backstory (welder with a heart of gold a la Flashdance) and Jesse had a decent voice and fun personality, neither of them really impressed the judges last night. We had hoped Jesse would make it but it’s no surprise that she got passed over.
After Allison re-sang her winning song, “Alone”, Ryan said “We still have two stools to fill,” and we chuckled because we love a good poop joke. Then he delivered the night’s shocker that Kris Allen would be getting the second spot in the finals, beating out Megan Joy Corkrey and Leggy McShortShorts, Jeanine Vailes. Kris Allen? Really? Him?
After the montage of memories past and the obligatory Idol Alumni Talent Show with Brooke White this week, Ryan lined up another firing squad consisting of Mishavonna Henson, Kai Kalama, Norman Gentle, Adam Lambert and Jasmine Murray. The nationwide vote proved that Mishavonna, Kai and Jasmine were not worthy (we wanted Kai Kalama, mostly so we cold keep saying his name, it just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?) but now he’s free to go back to taking care of Momma Kalama. After sitting through a Jonas-Brothers-3D-filled commercial break, the battle between Norman Gentle and Adam Lambert ended with Adam going to the final 12. We felt sort of like Sophie in Sophie’s Choice if she suddenly realized she picked the wrong kid, you know? We’re little dead inside. While we knew Nick didn’t have a chance in Hell, we really didn’t want his spot to be taken by this asymmetrically-coiffed howler monkey. (No offense!) (Maybe a little offense!) (Sorry!) Sigh.
Next week: the return of Lil Rounds, Scott McIntyre and two-thirds of Team Compromise, Kristen McNamara and Nathaniel Marshall‘s Headband – will Nancy Wilson be in the audience cheering them on? Who knows. If Kris Allen can advance to the finals, clearly anything is possible.