The Cruises Plan A Camping Trip For Their Prissy Kid

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We’re obsessed with this (probably false) story about the Cruises planning the ultimate American family vacation. Apparently the stylish gang of Scientologists are heading out on a cross-country camping trip, in an attempt to “do things as a normal family.”

Sadly, nothing about their outdoor adventure will be normal. Though Katie has claimed that they “love going camping,” she goes on to gush about the gourmet meals Tommy makes while huddled around the campfire. “Once when we were camping Tom made his pasta carbonara for me. He knows exactly how to do it. A pinch of this, a pinch of that. He has a recipe, but he also kind of improvises by himself. You have to do the egg at a certain time.”

Even worse, the Cruises will have their Scientology goons surrounding them the whole time, so no one can infiltrate their inner circle. “They’ll be accompanied by a friend from the church of Scientology, as Tom never likes to be too far away from his religion,” said a source. “They will also have security camped down the road to keep any unwelcome people at bay.”

Yup, there’s nothing like getting in touch with the great outdoors while never escaping the confines of your crazy life!  [Photo: GettyImages]