LOST RECAP: Wife Swap, Anyone?

|

This is a Recap of Lost Season 5 episode 9, “Namaste”, originally airing March 18, 2009. If you read on, I’ll spoil ‘Idol’ for you, you bastards.

Jack U GirlA LOST-THEMED PORNO OPPORTUNITY HAS NEVER BEEN SO RIPE

“Who came back?” asks Juliet. “Jack and Hurley,” replies Sawyer, with one teeny intentional omission. Sawyer then adds, “Whew – solved it! Should be the last time the subject of Kate ever comes up” before leaning back in his chair and dusting off his hands for twenty minutes.

Sawyer is also now the world’s smartest human, reading a book a night in honor of Winston Churchill (who I’m theorizing is actually Walt somehow), and saving Jack, Kate and Hurley with a shrewdly-concocted submarine scheme and then rightfully shoving it in Jack’s face. Jack appeared expectedly thrown-off by Juliet and Sawyer living together, and Sawyer couldn’t resist a wussy romantic-comedy wave across the barracks to Kate (who, incidentally, was back to looking attractive after the flash off the plane briefly uglified her), so there’s no telling how this uncharted level of Lost sexual New Listtension is gonna resolve. Juliet eventually found out about Kate, obviously, and managed to add her to the “New” list of submarine passengers (pictured left) just in time to not get caught by Jimmy Barrett.

I’m predicting that the loving glances get longer and more frequent every week, then the Season just ends with an explicit 60-minute fourway between the two couples airing on Pay-Per-View. How much would you be willing to shell out for that? At least $9000, right?

WHAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF SHOCKING? “SURGE-PROTECTERING?”

The episode was jam-packed with thoroughly underwhelming twists, giving it a real “middle of the season” feel. Horace’s baby turns out to be ETHAN??? HOLY SH*T!!!! That kid is going to grow up to be slightly significant then get shot three seasons ago! I enjoyed Juliet’s “your kid is scuhhhhh-reewwwwwed!!!” facial reaction, but the kid being revealed as Ethan changes absolutely nothing about the show unless he ends up creating a “what can we change?” time dilemma, where Juliet or whoever argues with Faraday about being able to warn the mother about the impending Dharma-massacre or to take care of the child herself (the baby has to end up with the Others at some point anyway).

Ben KidBig deal #2: Kid Ben lives on the island and is a member of the Dharma Initiative! Which we knew already, but the episode was running out of time so it became the big “cut to titler” end reveal! I guess the big surprise was that Sayid didn’t immediately start beating the crap out of Kid Ben, thus making his face bloody for the next 40 years of his life. If Adult-Ben and Kid-Ben get pushed into each other, will they both melt and die, like the end of Timecop? (R.I.P Ron Silver)

Also, after getting knocked out with an oar by Sun, Ben has now amassed enough Frequent “Getting The Sh*t Beat Out Of You” Miles to qualify for a free first-class Getting The Sh*t Beat Out Of You ticket on Continental.

I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THIS, BUT – HOW ABOUT MORE BACKSTORY?

Sawyer SmartsI assumed last night’s episode was going to explain the sudden changes of heart that Kate, Sayid, and Hurley all underwent just before deciding to join Jack on the Ajira Airways flight. Something mega-shady occurred that hasn’t been explained yet, and I think there might be a slight chance that it involved Ben maybe, but the episode appears to be taking its time possibly because it’s a season-finale-caliber reveal? A friend of mine argued that Aaron was probably abducted or killed, but that would make Kate want to stay even more; I imagine Aaron was probably threatened somehow and Kate gave him to Claire’s mother and fled, assuming he would be safer if she was untraceable.

As for Hurley, I’m guessing he just decided “If I don’t come along, who’s going to say things like ‘This time travel is crayzayyyy, right audience??? WINK!!!’ every ten minutes? Jin can’t handle that responsibility…”

OTHER LOSTBVSERVATIONS

Last night’s ep was actually pretty decent, if all over the place, so I’ll just throw a few talkin’ points out there instead of doing my usual long rambly theme-paragraphs (aside from those first couple long rambly theme-paragraphs)

– Why didn’t Sun jump with the rest of the Oceanics? Something pregnancy related?

– Frank’s instant defensiveness: “Where are we, Frank?” “The island isn’t magic ok so BACK OFF!”

– Frank’s co-pilot was quickly reduced to a bloody pulp, continuing by far the most violent season of Lost so far. Season Six is gonna actually end up airing in theaters as Saw 6: Island Vacation.

– Instead of Christian Shepard on the island in 30 years, it would’ve been funny if it was just Sawyer again but in really sh*tty aging makeup with a huge grey beard.

– Did you happen to catch that Jack Nicholson from The Shining was actually in the Dharma group photo?

Group Photo

– I was hoping when Jack and Kate were asking, “It’s 1977 – what do we do now?” Hurley would respond, “Enjoy the Bee Gees.”

Radzinsky really looks like David Cross in a crappy Mr. Show wig:

David Cross dude

NEXT WEEK ON LOST, STUFF…AND THINGS!

The promo for next week’s episode was so damn general —

Next week on Lost…
Everything is different…
Everyone has changed…
It’s survivor…
Versus survivor…

I wonder if they just recorded the voiceover for every “next week” promo at the beginning of Season 2 and they’ve just been sticking them in week after week:

Next week on Lost…
Things will be done…
Words will be spoken…
An island is probably involved…
And Ben Linus definitely gets the crap beat out of him…

Episode thoughts, predictions, theories, questions, observations, pre-orders for the four-way porno DVD — leave ‘em all in the comments, please!