It might only be Monday, but allow us to preemptively award this week’s “Worst Week Ever” title to the oft-forgotten animal that is the horse. Look, let’s faces — pretty much every week for a horse sucks. The lucky ones are traded away from their horse families to eventually be ridden by the bony asses of the nation’s wealthiest; the unlucky ones are forced to drag unsightly tourists around Central Park in exchange for a slap in the horse face and some hay. Indeed, being a horse ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
But dare we say that, if you are a horse, this might be your worst week ever. First, we get news from England about a horse named Pandora who is allergic to grass — can’t be near the stuff. As a result, her owners have no other choice but to dress her up like a total a**hole:
As though this Ku Klux Klanzy get-up isn’t bad enough, poor Pandora also has to take 15 horse-sized anti-histamine tablets a day, not to mention drink something called sugarbeet chaff, which sounds both disgusting and yet oddly erotic.
If you can, just for a moment, get Pandora out of your head, we present to you yet MORE proof that horses are having the Worst Week Ever. For two innocent little ponies were forced to take part in a photo shoot that no animal with a shred of dignity would ever agree to be a part of…
Here is British famewhore
Katie Price Jordan, posing with two orphaned ponies while she models off her new Equestrian line of clothing:
If ever you wanted to see a horse make his/her “WTF?” face, we present you with the above photo. First of all — those clothes are equestrian? We wouldn’t doubt she rides bareback, but horses? In velour? SHORTS? VELOUR SHORTS? This will be the first time this blog will utter the following sentence but where the F**K is PETA? GET OFF YOUR VEGAN ASS AND DO SOMETHEEN! No animal deserves this kind of cruelty.
UPDATE: Stephen at Urlesque has alerted me to yet more bad news in horse world: SEEING EYE HORSES. Sure, this might not seem so bad… but horses were definitely not created to go to Wal-Mart.