CONVERSATIONS WITH MOM: On The Real Housewives of New York

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By now, you’ve already read your favorite Real Housewives of NY recaps at various other websites. Still, I felt there was something… unique… that remained to be said about the reigning T.W.A. Teas of reality television. So, I did what any daughter of an overbearing albeit hilarious Jewish mother would do. I called her up to get her thoughts on what was easily the best episode of the season. So before I weigh in on why Bethenny is the sh*t, and how basically everyone else is a reanimated corpse nightmare, let’s get mother’s reaction. Live from Miami, she begins with a request:

First of all, on your blog, you should do a side-by-side of Kelly next to Mr. Ed. What a horseface.

KELLY-VS-MR-ED.jpg
Moving on:

What about the f*ckin’ Mario? Who you barely saw throughout the two years of the show, all of a sudden is in the face of Jill? What did Jill even do? How obnoxious. Over a f*ckin’ tennis game? Am I wrong? It was stupid. Finally, here, he’s given a moment he can shine. And this is what he does? Look at Jill’s husband, who is a gentleman. He stood on the side, didn’t get involved.

BETHENNY FrANKEL RED CARPET2.jpg Kelly and Bethenny? Despicable. I feel so bad for Bethenny. Kelly is literally one of the dumbest. Just a low life. She’s trash! Really in my life, I never heard somebody talk like her. She’s sick. She should have said right away “I don’t get involved like that” with the charity, but then you call a meeting to spew such vile at someone? And Luanne – she tells Luanne she was 30 minutes late. This woman wrote a book on etiquette and she just sits there!

And Ramona, with those googly eyes. You know, for the first time Simon and Alex really were a lady and a gentleman. And they have a point with the crosses. What Christian gossips with these bitches?

Nene has the manners of the Queen of England compared to these women. She has class. Not one of them, including the Contessa, has any class on this show.

And so it is written. What do I think? Why thank you for asking. I think Kelly Bensimmon is one of those rare breeds of human being who has confused the attention people pay her for her looks with the notion that she’s actually intelligent. Which she isn’t. Not only is she about as dumb as it gets (with money? Maybe the worst combination), but also, she has a goat mouth.

We really have to hand it to Bethenny for exhibiting the restraint that she did. I would have flipped a car over to save an invisi-baby out of anger. And Ramona and her husband? DESERVE EACH OTHER. The end.

(PS Watching this show is the only way I remember to feel good about myself.)

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