Idol Recap: Bad Songs From Cinema And The Contestants That Love Them

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When we heard that the theme for this week’s American Idol was songs from cinema, we were psyched and thought we’d hear “Diamonds Are Forever” from Adam Lambert (of all the contestants, he’s the one with an inner Eartha Kitt), or we thought maybe Anoop Desai would sing “Gangster’s Paradise”, there are plenty of kickass choices that would have suited these contestants really well. Alas, we got two Bryan Adam‘s songs that haunted us through high school and that will continue to haunt us for the next 24 hours, and one “Born to Be Wild” (shudder) among others. Quentin Tarantino was the mentor (and awesomely, Idol couldn’t even plug his upcoming film Inglourious Bastards because the title is too racy for the 8 o’clock hour), and as tiresome as his manic craziness can be, we had actually hoped for more Tarantino. We did enjoy a few moments from the show though.

5. Once Upon A Song

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Randy Jackson told Kris Allen “You were pitchy from note one,” but you know what? We say Randy and his Bill Cosby sweater can eat it, we thought Kris was charming and we definitely approve of his version of “Falling Slowly” from the film Once. We know “Falling Slowly” is not as famous as, say, “Born to Be Wild” (shudder), but for Kara DioGuardi to call it obscure (it won the Oscar for Best Original Song) and explain that not everyone knows it seems like she’s not giving the viewers enough credit (or is that just us?). Last week we approved of Adam’s “Mad World” because we love hearing an under-appreciated song go mainstream, and this week we applaud Kris for picking this one.

4. Paula Spoke In Fortune Cookie Lingo

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Last week, Paula was all about the motivational speaking, this week she traded the you-can-do-it-even-if-you’re-blind! speak for Confucius-like aphorisms. A few gems we especially liked: When speaking to Adam about his version of “Born to Be Wild” (shudder): “You dare to dance in the path of greatness!” and “Fortune rewards the brave.” Meanwhile, Simon tersely summed up Adam’s shitshow with “Some people will love that, some will despise it.” Ding ding ding! Those of us with ears, for instance, despise it. Later, Paula told Lil Rounds “Sometimes the road is really long but it’s a road worth taking.”…In bed?

3. The Devil Went Down To Men’s Wearhouse

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What was with the parade of terrible blazers last night? At first we were planing to gently mock Anoop’s varsity letter jacket look, but his wasn’t the only jacket that was so very wrong. Kris Allen’s skinny sport coat look has been seen on everyone from Jerry Seinfeld to Paula Poundstone, but Kris, we hate to tell you, it’s a look best left to the Comedy Cellar. Don’t even get me started. And last but most offensive, Danny Gokey‘s baby blue blazer with the sleeves rolled up. Coupled with his three-day-old beard stubble, it was a look we couldn’t take. And somewhere in Miami, a vice cop is going to be a little chilly tonight because he can’t find his trademark jacket.

2. Too Much Bryan Adams Not Enough Tarantino

We figured that Tarantino would worm his way to the judges table and be sipping Coke with the rest of them on Tuesday night, but because of the new “only two judges’ opinions per performer” rule, enforced after last week’s Idol infringing on Fringe, we suppose the producers put the kibosh on Quentin. So we got some packaged video with Q directing the singers a bit, which was okay but we were hoping for more scathing remarks like his trip to the judges’ table during season three. Hopefully during the results show, instead of showing nine hours of filler, they’ll actually spend some time with him and see what he thought of the performances. What the show lacked in Tarantino, it more than made up for in Bryan Adams songs.

1. The Performances

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We guess a little attention could be paid to the actual performances from last night. Per usual, Allison Iraheta turned what could have been a stomach-churning song, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, into something we actually liked, and Simon Cowell even told her that she’s the only female hope the show has left. As for Lil Rounds, the judges have it out for her and her days are numbered. “The Rose” blooms no more. Wedding-band-wearing widower Danny’s “Endless Love” was technically proficient but just too depressing for anyone to be on board with, and Anoop and Matt Giraud both sang Bryan Adams songs well enough (Anoop’s was more decent than Matt). We refuse to acknowledge Adam Lambert because of what he made our great nation endure last night (one last shudder). And just to reiterate, adorably married Kris Allen was our winner for his sweet rendition of “Falling Slowly”, no doubt dedicated to his sweet, matching-apron-wearing wife. (Doesn’t she look petrified that the women of America are stealing her husband away one week at a time every time they cut to her?) Overall, it was a fair night for songs, but definitely not great.

Final Thoughts:

The judges are only allowed to speak two-at-a-time now, but when it’s not his turn, Simon’s hand gestures speak volumes.

Is Lil losing weight? The shelf o’ booty she has during week one seems to be disappearing.

Danny Gokey sans glasses. It’s like watching Bizarro-Idol.

Little Steven in the house!

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