American Idol’s Disco Medley Begs The Question “Would Cutting Off My Ears Be Less Painful?”

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This week, American Idol was a salty little bitch, eliminating two contestants from the Top 7 during, of all things, Disco Week. Matt Giraud‘s punk ass was saved, and instead, we wished a teary-eyed farewell to Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai (who sang better in his farewell song than he has all season.)

During each week’s Elimination Episodes, the Idol stage welcomes some of the world’s most famous entertainers to show the contestants what it takes to become a successful recording artist. Only, it kind of felt like we as a collective nation hopped into a time machine and fast forwarded to eons from now, when singers stop being polite and start being real… real old.

Things start out ok enough, as Freda Payne comes out onto the stage (in better shape at 66 than I’ll ever be), and caws her way through the song “Band of Gold”. But before you can say “who is this fine, old woman?”, Mizz Thelma Houston rolls out into the homes of millions wearing the skinned remains of Big Bird, and thrusting her hips out so many times I was sure a 7 year old was going to fall out of her V. But nothing — NOTHING — could top the big Finale… KC of KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND, who now looks like an extra cast on a v. special child molestation episode of Law & Order SUV. Also, he may have lost his voice in a chicken wing eating related accident, as he just sort of stood there in a hot sweat, hoping not to make eye contact with Simon.

In the immortal words of the internet: FAIL:

Between the opening dance sequence and David Archuleta, this had to be the most wasted hour of Primetime Television since the Reba Series Finale.