Yesterday, my favorite morning show in the world, The Mike & Juliet Show, asked me to be one of three judges for a Celebrity Lookalike Contest taking place on live television. If you’re wondering what my reaction was like, strap a jetpack to your body, crank its destination setting to “the moon”, pull the See n’ Say string out of your chest, and take-off. If there’s one thing I love, it’s Celebrity Lookalikes… and let’s face it: The worse they are, the way way higher the entertainment value.
Folks, the show did not disappoint. Not only was I joined by two of my favorite people — What Not to Wear’s Clinton Kelly, who is every bit as charming and lovable as his on-screen persona, and Chuck Nice, of the Best Week Ever Nice’s — but the audience was made up of Fleet Week Sailors! Christmas has come early for Michelle Collins this year, ladies and gentlemen.
Because it would be impossible to relay to you the simple joy that this 20 minutes brought into my life, might I present to you the following clips with bits of our impersonators, along with our reactions. Please note: The winner of this contest would walk away with a all-expenses included Jamaican vacation. Here we go.
1. Neil Diamond. Before the show began, the Neil Diamond lookalike — real name Tom Sadge — was easily the shmooziest of the four competitors. Thanks to Tom, I can now say that I’ve shaken hands with a man who looks and sounds remarkably like Neil Diamond. And as you will see, he did not disappoint.
2. Britney Spears. Here’s the thing about being a Britney impersonator: If you’re gonna do it, please be chubby. Or a man. Or a midge. Because, really, a Britney lookalike who is actually skinnier and prettier than the real thing is no fun at all (unless you are a straight man, and lets face it, no straight men give a care about celebrity impersonators.) Anyway, it seems this girl was actually slightly too classy to portray actual B-Spears:
3. Justin Timberlake. Nice guy. Sweet, cute. Friendly. A good sport. But not necessarily the best likeness to J.T. And by the way, if you’re reading too much into my comment to him, it helps to know that the guy actually works in a fudge shoppe.
4. Steven Tyler. Look, I’ll be straight up: Fake Steven Tyler looks an awful lot like real Steven Tyler. And his performance really wasn’t bad — for God’s sake, the guy brought his own microphone. That being said, the group of us were really pulling for Neil to win that vacation. But of course, in classic Collins style, I awarded Steven a “10” for comedic reasons… which put him over the edge to win. If it matters at all, the sailors were really pulling for this guy…
So note to people traveling to Jamaica anytime soon: If you happen to stumble upon Steven Tyler lounging in a beach chair while eating a tray of empanada samplers… it’s probably not the actual guy.
And in related news, my frequent M&J co-star and hilarious lady from space, Arden Myrin, has launched her brand new website, which features plenty of things to enjoy: You can make it snow, order Mexican Ambien, and wonder if I am, in fact, pregnant with Helio Castroneves‘ baby, as this picture would seem to indicate. (I don’t think I am, but maybe.) The site also features dozens of photos of Arden and her pal, Kate Flannery (The Office‘s Meredith) tearing this city a new one.