The United States may have missed its chance to re-claim Wimbledon, but this July 4th Weekend was still a victorious one for the stars and stripes, as 25-year-old American Joey Chestnut won his third straight Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition, setting a new world record with 68 hot dogs consumed in 10 minutes, which is also the number blah blah bleeh bla doo de dah dee Kirstie Alley!!!
The next time someone tells you that the United States isn’t the greatest, most perfect nation on earth, show them the video below and they’ll have no choice but to immediately concede:
For the record, Chestnut is still only TWENTY-FIVE years old. Time to do more with your life.