Penn State Named #1 Party School, Now That I’m No Longer There



The Princeton Review yesterday named Penn State’s University Park campus the top party school in the nation in its 2010 edition of “The Best 371 Colleges,” which has rankings ranging from academics to campus life.

YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! WE DID ITTTTTTTTT!!!!! My alma mater parties so damn hard, the Princeton Review acknowledges it in ranking!!!!!!!!

I mean, I don’t technically “go to school” anymore in the logistical sense, but I DEFINITELY laid the foundation for this ranking by drinking literally SEVERAL beers, sometimes in one night! Basically I’m the Jackie Robinson of partying.

Penn State spokeswoman Annemarie Mountz called the survey unrepresentative, noting:

“…The results are not connected to reality. The students that are answering are not the ones spending their time in the library studying and getting the high grades that pump up our graduation rates.”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Shut up, NARCSQUARE. You’re a NARC who’s SQUARE and probably a CLOSET HO’ ANYWAY RIGHT GUYS HIGH FIVEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! GUYS??? RIGHT??? Oh, forgot, I’m typing on the internet. Guys would have high-fived me after that if this were a party at Penn State. The only “high grades” I cared about were ME!!! Getting high, I mean! Also, my grades.

Robert Franek, author of the Princeton Review book, which has been published for 18 years, said, “I couldn’t disagree more that it’s not a representative survey.”

YEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! ROBERTFRANEKEFFINRULLLLESSS!!!!! BEER BONG FOR ROBERT!!! You can NOT say no. DOOOITTTT ROBBBBB!!!!! He would have done it if we were in college partying together. Then I would’ve made out with, like, one chick a semester (NOTHATI’M COUNTING LOL!!)

So to sum up, I am statistically the greatest partyer ever. I owe you a shot, Princeton Review (I LIKE TO DO THOSE CAUSE PARTY!!!!!)!!!!!

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