You guys… SH*T HAS JUST GOTTEN REAL on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Real Ho-Wife and aspiring country star Kim Zolciak (real name: Kimberleigh, if you needed another reason to hate her) was forced to call the police after our favorite person on television ever, Nene Leakes, choked her! That’s what you get for calling someone a Low Budget Bitch, Bitch! This will clearly be the best episode of The Real Housewives any show ever to air on our televisions.
ET Online has obtained the police report, and it reads as follows (you can basically read the bolded parts):
On 4-14-2009 at 1850 hrs I was called to Market St and 17th St about a person being choked out. Upon my arrival I was met by Kimberleigh Zolciak. She stated she was going to shoot a scene for Real Housewives. When Kimberleigh Zolciak got in an argument with Nene Leaks. While they were arguing Nene Leaks started to point her fingers in Kimberleigh Zolciak face. The two witness then tried to stop the two from fighting. At that point Nene Leaks grabbed Kimberleigh Zolciak neck and tried to choked her out. The two witness broke them up. Kimberleigh Zolciak drove to 391 18th St Target and call the police. Both witness stated the same story as Kimberleigh Zolciak. I called C-D investigator Mitchell(5532) to the scene and he talked to Kimberleigh Zolciak. She was advised to go to Fulton County Court House tomorrow along with the two witness to get a warrant for Nene Leaks. Also take any picture of any bruise to her neck. At this time I was unable to locate the suspect at this time.
And somewhere, Andy Cohen masturbates into a safety deposit box. It’s gold, Jerry, gold! And OMG: Nene is on the run! Stay safe, my dear woman.
Ahead, we have an exclusive preview from this week’s brand new episode, where new BeFri’s Nene and Sheree (who half-redeemed herself with that amazing and deserved confrontation of that party planner last week) gang up and basically attack Kim for no good reason other than her being Kim. Oh Atlanta Housewives… how we missed thee.