TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS RECAP: The French Justice League

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This is a recap of Top Chef Las Vegas, Episode 4 entitled “Is This The Finale? Cause How Are They Gonna Top This?” Spoilers are contained within. Or, as the French would say, “Z’alert du spouliers!”

TC Mattin– I had one of those “Probably take this show too seriously” moments when they announced that someone would be eliminated in the Quickfire and I yelled out “Holy sh*tf*ck!!” out loud in my apartment by myself. And it was teased in the episode last week and I still reacted like that. I’m a good human being.

– How obviously did the “High Stakes Quickfire” occur just to sweep Jesse under the rug before they presented to the French chefs?

– My regular TC-watching partner Matt has a pet peeve of dishes with “smears” that really obviously look like poop, and yet, there was Kevin, a clearly awesome chef, taking the high stakes Quickfire with (assuredly delicious) cartoon poo and vomit streaks. Hey, if it works, more poo-wer to him. (Ed Note: Delete that)

TC Kevin Snails– Anyone who plans to go on Top Chef should be sure to specifically practice two or three go-to Amuse-bouches, cause they always come up. Memorize presidents before you go on Jeopardy, amuse-bouches before you go on Top Chef — that’s what I’m gonna tell my kids, and they’re gonna be like, “Daddy what is tv? We only watch space holograms.”

– Also, “Amuse-bouche” means “mouth amuser” in French. Hehehe.

– Does Bravo realize Laurine is still on the show?

– Also, if Mattin can’t even get out of the bottom on French Week, he’s really screwed when they get to the “Not Wearing A Gilbert & Sullivan Character’s Costume” Challenge.

After the jump, THE ELIMINATOR. Yep, they had to go through the American Gladiators obstacle course this week. Crazy Twist.

TC Joel R– Little overboard on the high-powered Judging Panel, eh Top Chef? How are they possibly going to top the caliber of guest talent from this episode on future weeks? In the finale, they’re gonna somehow resurrect Julia Child and just have her and Laurence Olivier chilling at a table.

– Is that what you call “teamwork,” Michael I.? My friend Kevin and I “teamed up” for this IM exchange this morning:

Me: They kept talking about their teamwork, but Bryan was LITERALLY holding his hand while he made the sauce!

Kevin: it was like an improv game where mike’s hands were tied behind his back and bryan actually made the sauce

Truer words…

– Michael I. doesn’t appear to know what he’s doing, but should still survive for a while on testimonial-arrogance; I can’t believe he actually said “If they understand the concept of our broken-down Bearnaise, we should be good,” as though he (er, Bryan) might have conceptualized something too advanced for a panel of five of the world’s greatest French chefs to comprehend. “If Scorsese understands what I did with this establishing shot…”

TC Hector SteakHector probably did deserve to go home, but he’s at least performed decently so far, and I’d definitely hire him over Robin, Ron, or Ashley. Or Lisa from two seasons ago (been a while since I took that shot, I’m required to every three weeks).

– I kept expecting even the translator dude to stand up and say “Hector’s meat effing buhh-lowwws.”

Ron & Robin are both well into the American Idol “Do we really have to wait extra weeks to just see when these people lose?” category, which strikes every reality show around Episode 5. Someone should write a song about them to the tune of “Rockin’ Robin,” only it’s about chefs who aren’t good instead of a bird that rocks.

Gail’s quote, “We couldn’t have had this meal at this point during any other Top Chef season” was completely right. If this had been last season, Joël Robuchon would’ve lined up 10 of the chefs against a brick wall and massacred them with a Tommy gun.

Updated Top 5 From the M Resort (As in, “MMMMMM – Food!”)

Brother Michael1a & b) The Brothers - Essentially taking turns dominating, but Bravo will have to weigh the “Brothers Showdown” finale potential against the fact that they’re both really kinda boring.

2) Jen - Absolute shoe-in for the Finale. Just a matter of who brings their A+ game that day. And takes it one game at a time. Can’t win ‘em all. No “I” in team. Any given Sunday… was not a great movie.

3) Kevin - It’s inconceivable that the finale will end up being a different foursome than the Brothers, Jen and Kevin, unless Bravo’s like “Crazy Vegas twist! That Preeti chick wins somehow. Told you anything can happen Vegas baby OMG!!!!!”

Distant 4) Eli - I guess?

T-5) Not Going To Win — Ron, Robin, Ash, Michael I., Ashley, Laurine.

Episode thoughts? Favorite Lines? Predictions? Ripping on Michael Isabella? Leave ‘em all in the comments.

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