TOP CHEF LAS VEGAS RECAP: Cook A Meal For Penn Jillette, The World’s Largest Man


This is a Recap of Top Chef Las Vegas, Season 6 Episode 6 (OMG 6-6 IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE DEVIL THAT IS IN VEGAS THAT YOU COOK ABOUT!) Don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers all up in your grill, literally, cause you cook with grills.

— Angel versus Devil Quickfire! Was that some weird Angels & Demons DVD cross-promotion? Because that theme was a little bit of a…

Stretch Armstrong

Also, who has an “Angel” on their shoulder in Vegas? “For me, Vegas is a constant struggle between ‘should I help that old lady cross the street, or should I do coke off that stripper’s cleavage? I will now represent this conundrum with halibut.”

TC Eli Pressure Cooker– Last week, Ashley pulled the “raised on food stamps” card and successfully turned her competition around, and this week, Robin casually slipped her battle with lymphoma into her Quickfire presentation, and mysteriously ended up on top. A disgruntled Eli then uttered “I wish she’d lost that cancer battle so we’d have a little quiet in the kitchen,” which I thought was slightly uncalled for.

— Guest Judge Michelle Bernstein wasn’t subtle with the innuendo in the Quickfire. First she tells Kevin “That is one big fat piece of bacon!” then tells Eli “Cheap thrills? My Favorite kind…” then tells Bryan “Your dish would go great with anal sex with me.”

— The Mattin Tribute was both heartfelt and necessary. I still can’t believe he died last episode.

TC Penn and TellerMichael Isabella continued his pattern of alternating smart and stupid performances –

Two Weeks Ago:

Last Week: “Curing cactus is a delicate process, permit me to demostrate.”

This Week: “Derrrrr…EGGS?

How does he not know what Eggs Florentine is? Even I know how to make that, and my only experience with the dish is ordering it at brunch at 4 pm while still too hungover to read or taste ingredients.

Next week he’ll be like “So I came up with this grand unified quantum physics theory…” followed by the week after, “I didn’t know you could cook with chicken.”

— Michael also shamelessly repeated the “Florentine is foreign-ta-me!” joke twice — who do you think you are, dude, me? Trust people who hang around me, it’s annoying.

After the jump, let’s pour ourselves a nice tall glass of ELMINADE!

TC Bravo PoutPix– Kevin won the Elimination Challenge for his re-imagined chicken mole, and also received the Naturalest Sentence Ever Award for his exclamation, “Hey, guess who just won a set of Calphalon Unison Non-Stick!”

Ron definitely deserved to lose this week, and you could see it coming pretty far in advance; it was like watching miners mine ore, watching that ore melted into steel, the steel turned into beams, the beams used to lay railroad track, other steel used to construct two trains, two humans being born and going to conductor school then becoming train conductors, boarding those two trains, then the trains wrecking, with twisted metal and sh*tty paella flying all over the place.

TC Toby ReturnsToby Young was very effortfully not-annoying this week, perhaps taking to heart the venomous hatred from the blogosphere during last season (I wasn’t a fan, but our commenters wanted to frickin’ murder him). Perhaps that car crash lobotomized him a bit.

— Still, 65% of Bravo voters believe that Toby is a “Bloody Cad,” while only 35% believe he is an “English Gent.” I voted for a write-in candidate, “Bleedin’ Bangers n’ Mash In Me Queen’s Trousers, Love!”

– Did you notice, as Laurine was explaining “The chips aren’t totally crisping the way I wanted them to, so I decided I’d try to re-crisp them by putting them back into the fryer…” this song started playing in the background:

— Ashley was so poor, she didn’t eat much beef growing up. She still has childhood scars from these commercials.

— Ron’s exit speech: “If finishing in eleventh place in a basic cable reality cooking competition isn’t the American Dream, then I don’t know what is. Oh wait, maybe like, Democracy? Nah I’m sticking with the first thing I said.”

TC Ron KnifeGuess Who Won A Set Of Calphalon Unison Updated Top 5!

1) Michael V: The excitement just never starts!

2) Bryan V: First or second, it’s just splitting tans.

3) Kevin

4) Jen: Pulled a rare “Sounded Defeated in the Testimonials But Actually Did Well” turnaround, despite being so busy she could only talk to Tom for seven seconds instead of the standard nine.

T-5) Ashley, Michael Isabella, Eli

Prepare Your Tributes) Robin, Ash, Laurine

— Next Week On Top Chef: Bravo clearly runs up against their budget as the chefs have to cook a meal in their house kitchen! With special Guest Judge, Ron! Cookin’ in your kitchen is what VEGAS IS ALL ABOUT DICE BLACKJACK!

Episode thoughts? Favorite/least favorite parts? Predictions? Toby Young reactions? Leave ‘em in the comments!

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