Mad Men: Well, F*ck a Duck.

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(Did you know the title of this post is also a song? Neither did we.)

The 7th episode of Mad Men, “Seven Twenty Three”, aired last night — yes, 7th already — and our feelings can best be described by this oft-used and highly relevant meme from Bad Boys 2:

First, last week’s epic Lawnmower Man 4: Have a Bowl of Shredded Feet fiasco, and now this. So thanks again, 5 episodes of “Not That Much Happening”, because when sh*t starts to go down on this show, it really starts to go down. This week, all the Mad Men foreplay has finally come to a head. And that will hopefully be the last time we double entendre what that whole “Peggy and Duck, No. Stop.” thing. (It won’t be.)

MAD MEN PEGGY AND DUCK 3We open with three things that pique our general interests: Peggy in bed with a mayun, Betty posing for an upcoming issue of Vogue on a fainting couch, and Don’s strong-jawed, hopefully insured mug beaten, broken and bloody. Let us be the first to point out that Don and Betty looked particularly beautiful in this episode: Coiffed and glossed like a widow’s prized Hummel collection. Who knew it was possible for these two to get better looking?

Our thoughts on the ep:

  • Wow Don. You are one gorgeous, gigantic, baby soft, panda-handed assh*le. This episode saw Don’s impression of a donation thermometer about to hit its goal (ie: Exploding, red thermometer head): From the get go, he was super-stressed, high strung, and dickish. Who else dare speak so rudely to Conrad Hilton, religious great-grandfather to Paris and Nicky Hilton, who now spends most of his spare time actively rolling over in his grave? Don’s stress was then equally doled out to his underlings, most notably Peggy, whom we will address sternly later.

    Oh, and now Don is Sterling Cooper’s bitch for the next 3 years. It’s like a cell phone contract, but with a lot more philandering, cigarettes and secrets.

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  • Henry Francis, Government Advisor, may or may not murder Betty in an upcoming episode. Murder her… with passion.
  • Also, m-bating in the 60′s basically involved reclining in the afternoon and smoothing your dress down over and over again.
  • Sally’s Teacher: Might be the first person to willingly offer her V to Don and get turned down. How does that eclipse feel, teach? It burns, no? (*Clearly they’ll probs eff, perhaps Fatal Attraction style, but let’s just enjoy this rare and unusual moment, yes?)
  • Peggy and Duck’s encounter considered… ahead.

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  • Peggy’s timing could use some improvement. Asking to work on Sterling Cooper’s biggest account moments after Don’s white-handed gibbons got cut off by Roger was not the most genius move. Then again, she should thank Don: If it wasn’t for this smack-down, she would never have needed to Duck some old dude for validation.
  • Peggy and the Hermes Scarf. It should be noted that yesterday, I myself plunked down some hard earning bloggin’ bux on my very own Hermes scarf, unaware that this highly prized wasp-cessory would play such a pivotal and stomach churning role in tonight’s episode. So imagine my delight when that small orange box arrived on Peggy’s desk. I grabbed my scarf and, too, touched it to my face with delight while clutching a note from Duck. Send it back? Methinks no, Pete.

    Little did I know this scarf would later be flung onto the ground and set on fire when…

  • Peggy has Sex with Duck. Look. When a man holds your hand and says, quote, “I wanna take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed, and give you a go around like you’ve never had”, it is scientifically impossible to refuse. And upon rewatching this scene 8 times over, Duck isn’t the worst-looking guy in the world, mock turtlenecks notwithstanding. That being said…

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    My scarf. It tolls for thee, Peggy. And I’ll never forgive you for that. Also, does Duck have kind of a good body? Where am I?

  • The Hitchhikers. Oh, crazy Don. We would blame you for taking that random pill until we realized The Matrix wasn’t released until many years later.

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    The uneasiness experienced during this hitchhikers scene brought to mind the famous “David Gets Kidnapped” episode of Six Feet Under, where our poor, sweet undertaker was held at the whim of a madman. Why Don would pick this young couple up could be blamed on his drunkenness, or, more likely, the impending threat of a threesome…

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    MAD MEN PEGGY AND DUCK 92Instead, of course, Don gets the wind knocked out of him and is robbed, as the old joke goes. Now literally beaten, shamed, and less of a man than ever, he is left with no choice but to listen to his co-workers, bosses and wife, and sign away the next three years of his life. Which we can only take to mean that AMC has simultaneously signed Jon Hamm up to three more years of Mad Men seasons. So, all in all, everyone wins.

Between this week’s drama and sexual intrigue, and last week’s “foot under lawnmower situation”, it looks like the third season of Mad Men is skyrocketing its way into “Lots of Things Happening Now Town”, population “Us: The Grateful Viewers.” Though we’re saddened to see Don acting like an ass while simultaneously getting his manhood dragged through the dirt, it also goes to show that no matter how gorgeous, or successful, or rich, or blah blah Don Draper blah you are, karma can still f*ck a bitch up.

Comments time: If you are actually able to, you know, see them, tell us what you thought of last night’s episode.