This is a formal plea to the the citizens of this earth, that we unite as one to stop the destruction of Ali Lohan‘s youth. Once again, the 15-year-old has been taken under her sister Lindsay‘s emaciated wing, and is out and about on the Champs Elysees in giant heels and a lacy dress only a hooker could love. Lindsay may be working for Ungaro, but she’s clearly letting her little sis shop at Frederick’s of Hollywood, and that ain’t right.
We’re not saying Ali shouldn’t be allowed to live it up in her teenage years. We remember gettin’ crazy at 15 in our friend Annie’s basement with a little help from a bottle of Boones and a Cracker CD. But there’s a difference between acting like every other angsty suburban kid in America and tagging along with your addiction-prone sister at a black tie dinner full of foreign, fifty-year-old gajillionaires. It’s not just weird, it’s flat out wrong.
Someone get this girl a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and hoodie, stat, and we’ll kidnap her in our mom’s ’96 Taurus and take her to hang out at the mall. If Ali doesn’t get a dose of normal soon, she’ll be banished to a life of booze-detecting ankle bracelets and Restylane injections – and we’ve all seen how well that’s worked out for her big sis.