Big Top Cupcake The Quickest Explanation for America’s Demise

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Up until this weekend, small, delicate cupcakes were considered a delightful treat after a healthy meal. Chocolate, vanilla, red velvet… there were so many possibilities.

Then, this infomercial crossed our paths. It’s for the Big Top Cupcake… a cupcake that is 25 TIMES MOTHERF**KING HUGER THAN YOUR AVERAGE CUPCAKE, WHICH DID THEY MENTION, IS THE CHOICE OF DESSERT FOR P*SSIES. To be honest, I don’t even really like cupcakes (too rich, don’t get me started), BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT WANT TO BURY MY FACE IN THE BIG TOP CUPCAKE ICING POOL WHILE LISTENING TO INSANE CLOWN POSSE AND BLOWIN’ SOME SH*T UP. This cupcake is intense, motherf**kers!!!1! Especially the “giant cat” one!

And as far as the demise of this nation is concerned, pretty sure 00:53 of the infomercial explains it all, from the future diabetic obesity that these young child actors will experience, to the fact that they are the worst child actors we’ve ever seen around a giant cupcake. Not to mention the mom at the beginning, who is obviously manny-depressies and an alky. Then again, Big Top Cupcake with red wine center? Sign me up.

Ed. Note: A Big Cupcake = A Cake. Let’s not mix metaphors.

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