If There Is One Thing Adam Lambert Doesn’t Need, It’s Autotune

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Adam Lambert’s debut single, “For Your Entertainment”, has been released courtesy of American Idol empresario Ryan Seacrest. One might call the single “highly anticipated”, if that person is this person:

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Let’s face it: People have been strapped to the back of a missile Looney Tunes stylewaiting to hear what Lambert was going to serve to us, and his debut single is the match that was to light the comically long fuse. Here is a helpful diagram:

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The genius of Adam Lambert’s voice is that it is only limited by the material given to it. He can tear apart any song – slow, fast, ranging from Porgy & Bessish from the balls deep to castrated hummingbird on meth glass shattering peaks (and before you ask, yes, this makes perfect sense). So his big debut single would have to be surpassing the usual or ordinary, particularly in scope or size… i.e. the definition of epic.

55616903Which is why — and I fear I will make a lot of enemies saying this — I found myself a little disappointed while listening to “For Your Entertainment.” Don’t get me wrong: It’s good, poppy, dancy, garbagey fun. But frankly, there is so much auto-tune and post-production put into this song, it could have been sung by just about anyone. And I mean anyone: Even the earhole-less Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak could have made this single work. And to be honest, the song itself is pretty repetitive in a way that leaves us wanting more… or just something else.

The one thing it does have going for it is that it seems to be about dirty, rough sex. So that’s a plus.

Now, to be fair, I had a very similar reaction upon the first 124 listens to Britney Spears’ “Womanizer”, a song which I eventually wrapped in a fleece papoose and uploaded onto my Ipod using a bit of the ol’ remorse code. So if “Womanizer” could grow on me, certainly with enough plays I will come around to this song too. For example, 4 cosmos to the wind, this song comes on, my top is 100 percent coming off. And the verdict over at ONTD is that people love love love the song.

Either way, here is the single for your own ears only. Feel free to tear me apart in the comments, or tell me that I’ve just lost my way in life.

What do you think? Should I just go ahead and drink the Kool-Aid on this one? After my 7th listening, I’m already softening…

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