30 Seconds to Gay Mars: Adam Lambert’s Album Preview is Here

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Update: You can read our actual full album review for For Your Entertainment here, if you have any respect for accuracy. Good day.

OK ladies and gentlemen (you know who you are). Big. Big. Day. 30 second previews of each song off of Adam Lambert’s upcoming “For Your Entertainment” album are upon us. And while 30 seconds is not nearly enough time for us to fully fuse our flesh and brains with Lambert’s debut album, it’s a nice amuse bouche for the fun that is yet to come. Feel free to listen along to the songs (conveniently threaded together in this vid courtesy of ONTD) while reading our review ahead.

1. Music Again: The preview starts off sounding very Mika-ish, which is A-OK by us, as we love Mika. It then drifts into Trans-Siberian Orchestra territory, another totally great thing in our eyes. It’s outlandish and theatery, definitely, which is exactly why we are on the edge of our seats for the album release.

2. For Your Entertainment: IT GREW ON ME, OK. I still haven’t plunked down the $1.29 to download it, but can almost guarantee that when I buy the entire album, I will come full circle to love it. And drunk in a club? Chile, you best back up about 10 feet cause my b’s are gonna fly out. (Breasts, no balls, I don’t think.)

3. Whataya Want From Me: A little too soft rock for my tastes, but will definitely appeal to your average-middle-of-the-road-tasted American Idol fans.

4. Strut: Simple and loving it. Will listen to it while I serve people on Broadway. (Literally, with my feet. I will serve them dinner with my feet while I walk.)

ADAM LAMBERT PORTRAIT 1235. Soaked: Uh oh, the first slow song. My thoughts?…. *SWOON* Immediately. I just felt my first Lambert Love Pangs in months. Of course, this would be the leftover Muse song. And the fact that it sounds like the number one hit in Paraguay is exactly why I love it so deeply. Will no doubt play this on repeat while Calgon kidnaps me out of my bubble bath.

6. Sure Fire Winners: Kinda sounds like video game background music. Not my favorite, but I’m not offended by it either.

7. A Loaded Smile: Very “Dreamweaver”-ish. Really shows off Adam’s vocal skills and his possible childhood castration.

8. If I Had You: ATTENTION THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF ROMANIA: Your next #1 club his is about to be released. This has exactly the right amount of Eastern European flare to keep me interested.

9. Pick U Up: It’s so hard to tell how much you can like a song with only 30 seconds. That being said, I did enjoy this one. I want to win The World Cup while listening to this. (Though it’s always been a dream of mine…)

10. Fever: Jim Cantiello over at MTV.com was disappointed at the “Idol” production quality of this song, and I have to agree.

11. Sleepwalker: This songs sounds like something Roxette would have released back in the 90s. In other words, we’re thinking it might be our favorite track on the entire album.

12. Aftermath: We’re neither here nor there on this one. Will wait for the album to fully judge, though this initial opinion is not a great sign.

13. Broken Open: Uhmuhguhhhhhd this song is like aural sex. It’s liquidy and sensual and like a bath bead exploding with notes all over our bodies. It’s like a buttery music massage. Yeah, we like it.

14. Time For Miracles (bonus track): So yeah.. we listen to this on our Ipod.. more than necessary.. SO WHAT? Love it.

As per usual, your turn! Obviously 99 percent of you will love it, but still, let us know your favorite track so far.