Can Everyone Who Has Had An Affair With Tiger Woods Please Raise Your Hands?

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TIGER WOODS SADAlright guys, look. First, it was one woman who had an affair with golf legend Tiger Woods. Now, another woman is coming out of the woodwork, claiming to have had a 31-month affair with the pro who has been called “something of a hound.” Meanwhile, the guy is crashin’ his car into trees and getting beat by his wife with a 9 iron. What this means in so many words, people, is that the “jig is up,” as they say. We know you’ve been having an affair with Tiger Woods. Just admit it, you have!

So we’re going to ask patiently that every person who has had an affair with Tiger Woods to please raise their hand.

Beginning with you, ma’am:

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She seems happy. And you, there, on the green:

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Guess this one is inevitable. Anyone else?

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No need to be an ass about it sir. Any other gentlemen in the mix?

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Good, reverence. We like that. There are still some of you out there. We’ll wait.

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And a doctor no less. That it?

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Oh, 1950s baby. We are also winding down. If there is anyone – ANYONE – else who wants to fess up to sleeping with Tiger Woods, last call – put your hands in the air:

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Good. That’s everyone? Seriously?

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Great. Feel free to tell us about your dalliances with Tiger in the comments. We pay exactly 0 dollars.