Steven Seagal: Lawman Was Kind Of A Steven Seagal: Letdown

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The reality tv community is all abuzz cause it’s Jersey Shore week, but not to be lost in the shuffle of tanning beds and tattoos and tattooed tanning beds, this seminal week also marked the premiere of A&E’s Steven Seagal: Lawman, a show I’ve been anticipating for quite some time.

In SSL (what I’ve been calling it around the water cooler all day, to no one), cameras follow around Steven Seagal during his side-job as a deputy for the police in Jefferson County, Louisiana, as he rides around arresting people and helps teach the cops Seagalness in his spare time. How was this show not as instantly awesome as that sentence sounded?

The show started off as with one of the greatest opening sequences in reality history, and briefly justified my lofty expectations; watch the first 1:10 here, and you’ll have seen the biggest highlight of the premiere:

Lawman

Unfortunately, the show tailed off quickly.

The rest of the episode (which was mercifully only a half hour long, unlike a certain MTV premiere…) just followed around Seagal and his cop peers responding to calls like any regular ol’ episode of COPS, and in two instances — a carjacking and a concealed-weapon drug deal — the situation was resolved before Seagal even got there, and he just said a bunch of general stuff afterward to the cameras about how cops have to be careful out there.

The only interaction in which Seagal actually did something was when he and another cop arrived at a bar to escort away a drunk underage kid who was bothering bar patrons, which took about five seconds, and the rest of the scene involved the Louisiana residents crowding around Seagal to shake his hand and presumably sign their copies of Fire Down Below. In a lighter sideplot, Seagal also tutored an officer in “Zen shooting” to help him pass his firearms test, instructing the guy to “push the bullet out” along with a handful of other vague phrases, and the guy passes at the end of the episode.

No clips of Seagal fighting criminals, no criminals pulled a weapon on him, no criminals recognized him and laughed, no one referenced any of his movies, and this was the frickin’ premiere — if they couldn’t cobble together 18 minutes of footage to keep me excited in a show I’ve been excited about for a year, then

Will I be tuning in next week? Of course. But I might postpone my Lawman party where everyone dresses up as their favorite Lawman character. Mine is Steven Seagal.

Anyone watch the Lawman premiere? Feel free to throw episode/series thoughts in the comments.