THE OFFICE: Secret Santa, Not-Secret Firings


Michael Secret SantaDid anyone else find this week’s Office episode, “Secret Santa”, borderline tedious? I don’t want to go off on a whiny rant, but why did Michael just turn into an insane d*ck for thirty minutes? He’s always bumbling, selfish, and childish to various degrees, but last night, he was just a completely unlikable A-hole from the minute the episode started through to the semi-important plot development (which I’ll get to in a sec).

Michael’s testimonials — mispronouncing words like five times, forgetting Russia still exists — felt like Season One again, and coupled with his cross-over from “awkwardly selfish” to “inexplicably terrible human being”, it was the first Office episode in a while where I literally kept glancing at the clock, as though I was sitting through a Friday work meeting [sidenote: we don’t actually have meetings at, or luxuries like “computers” or “W-2s”]

I initially attributed my Office eye-rolling to being in a bad mood after watching the Steelers’ already-nailed coffin get lowered into the ground by the Browns earlier in the night, but I watched 30 Rock right after The Office and it was frickin’ amazing — possibly the best of the season, and one of the best ever (“Did you hire this guy to come into my dressing room and keep punching me in the throat?”)

Anyway — I’m not posting this just to whine, I’m posting it to discuss a potentially major plot point that was raised in the episode’s third act, which I’ll talk about after the jump:


Amidst the Christmas d*ck-being, Michael learns from Wallace that Dunder-Mifflin has found a buyer and the board will have no choice but to sell, spelling unambiguous doom for the company’s highest-paid executives. Michael reacts to the news with doom of his own and quickly passes the info along to the officemates, who immediately panic and insist to get David on the phone immediately, which they do, via Michael’s awful ‘get him on the phone’ method (probably my favorite part of the episode).

David then clarifies via speakerphone that only the executives are in trouble and that the buyers would want to keep distribution intact, especially the company’s most profitable branch. This can only mean one of two possible developments for the show:

1) Wallace and Co. will be replaced by a new regime to oversee Michael, which will almost assuredly lead to Charles-like friction between Michael and his new bottom-line oriented supervisor. Hopefully, whichever guest star they pick for the new boss can stay for more than six episodes (I guess it’s better than nothing, but having Amy Ryan and Idris Elba both come in, be awesome, then have to be written back out of the show quickly was pretty bluebally.)

2) The office will actually undergo a major shakeup — relocation and/or firings — and Wallace was just lightening the truth when put on the spot by the employees. This seems far less foreseeable, unless the producers really do want to make a permanent “Coach Fox leaving Minnesota State for the NFL” caliber change in the Office continuum.

The common detail between these two events?

No more David Wallace.

You wouldn’t do that, Office, would you? COULD you?? The answer is that you can’t! There has to be some alternative — how about instead of Wallace they fire, like… I don’t know, Jim?

I have updated this photo to reflect the impending Wallace / Dunder-Mifflin fallout:

Dan and Andy Buckley

Office episode thoughts? Favorite/least favorite parts? Predictions about the Dunder-Mifflin purchase? Leave ‘em in the comments, unless the comments have disappeared for the moment, which they tend to do.

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