Stephen Colbert Conquers Final Frontier, Ends Up On Sports Illustrated Cover

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Whether it’s a desperate ploy to grab a new non-sports demographic or just a straight up “hey here’s an awesome thing,” Sports Illustrated put Stephen Colbert on its cover this week:

People Stephen Colbert

The issue talks about Colbert’s decision to sponsor the U.S. Olympic speedskating team, a move which I predict will cause U.S. speedskating interest to rapidly plummet. Speedskating interest is at an all-time high in the U.S. — a recent Gallup poll found that speedskating was the #3 most popular thing in the United States behind apple pie and fireworks shaped like apple pie, and now Colbert and his millions of online followers are threatening to drive off literally billions of hardcore U.S. speedskating purists who demand that their sport not be sponsored by a universally well-liked comic personality.

If Paul Rudd endorses curling, the U.S. might as well just quit the Olympics.

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