Ashley’s Lips Scream “Look At Me!”

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ashley-greene-main

“Hey! Yoohoo! Over here! Yes, it’s me, Ashley Greene, star of the Twilight movie, and, well, that other Twilight movie! Yes, I know you’d rather be staring at Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart right now, but they’re off in a bunker somewhere reading indie scripts and making out with each other in a pile of their own hair grease. But I’m here! Two years ago I was a coat-check girl, and now I’m strolling the red carpet at the Sherlock Holmes premiere, hunting down Jude Law to try to get in on that sweet baby-daddy action. Just kidding, guys! Kind of. Anyhoodles, I know this amorphous white sack doesn’t show off my curves, but my stylist told me that’s what fashion is all about. And check out these lips, mo-fos! They’re pink! Hot pink! Looklooklooklooklooklooklook! Mememememememe! I’m famous! I’m unforgettable! I’m destined for a career of Lifetime movies alongside Tori Spelling! Wait, did I just say that?

[The above monologue is imagined, of course.]

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