A few years ago, I became obsessed with the idea of ear candling: Sticking a lit candle in your ear, which in turn then sucks the most undesirable of aural waxes out of your earholes and out for the world to marvel at. Imagine how deliciously loud everything would seem without all that pesky wax that lives beneath the reaches of your everyday Q-tip. And all it would take is turning your head into a veritable Looney Tunes murder gone right? Sold.
Sadly, I never actually went through with this fantasy ear candling scenario because a. people claim it doesn’t work and b. the only place it seemed one could buy ear candles was (my new favorite) website Earcandles.com, which, no thank you.
But bless, it appears the Christmas Spirit has brought us a short video of pure, unadulterated ear waxtacular joy! Because Jessica Simpson’s BFF4LYF Ken Paves gave the pop star ear candles for Christmas! And J-Simps was brave enough to demonstrate just what a fun activity ear candlin’ can be for the whole family. And by “fun,” what we mean is, you will be bent over a table with a lit piece of dynamite stuck in your ear screaming for mercy with only a Papa Johns box to protect your insured visage.
On the bright side, Jessica looks almost unrecognizably fresh and adorable sans makeup. Her head + candle = Jesus’ dream B-day cake!