Small Wonder? No. Gigantic Wonder.

by Michelle COLLINS

If you’ve wondering where we’ve been all day, it’s been staring at the following DVD cover which arrived on our desks via robot angel with apron:

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THE FIRST SEASON OF SMALL WONDER IS FINALLY BEING RELEASED ON DVD.

Our favorite show EVER about a child slave who, thankfully, wasn’t a real girl at all, rather a robot, can be watched over and over and over again. What’s that? You don’t remember it? Why don’t you give it’s theme song a listen and then call your local hardware store when your BRAIN SPRINGS SHOOT OUT OF YOUR EYEHOLES:

This might be our favorite melody after our standard #1 pick, Colonel Abrams’ “Table for Two.”

SMALL-WONDER-DVD-1Watching this show today is a trip. Namely, because Vicki’s hardware, which is woefully sticking out of her back like the light switch to a slumlord’s whore den, is the exact same motherboard used to make an Atari game console. It’s as though the creators of the show threw their giant Apple PC’s to the ground after writing so many television failures, picked up the sparking motherboard while their hungry children began crying in the doorway, and boom: TELEVISION HISTORY IS MADE.

Further proof as to how GENIUS this show is can be found in the show’s Wikipedia description:

V.I.C.I.’s features include superhuman strength and speed, an AC outlet under her right arm, a parallel port under her left arm, and an access panel in her back. Despite this, the Lawson family tries to pass the robot off as their adopted daughter. Vicki lives in a large cabinet in Jamie’s bedroom, and becomes more human over the course of the show.

Pretty sure this is also the plot to our other favorite movie, “The Tom Cruise Story.”

And we wouldn’t be journalists without passing along this genius:

Occasionally Vicki had rare abilities that seemed to only appear in one or two episodes, such as elongating her neck to reach a door’s peephole, shrinking her size to become as small as a doll or making herself ten feet tall to get noticed by everyone.

Yup, special FX were in full FX back in 1986. But you know the only thing creepier than a fake robo-daughter? How about the real kids?

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Yes, that is the girl from Troop Beverly Hills. And that’s probably the guy you just bought meth from. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!

The DVD is officially out at the beginning of February, but understandably, it already has a 5 star rating over at Amazon.