BREAKING: Jennifer Aniston Has Sex With Howard Stern! [In 1989 And Also Not Really!]

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Just when you think you’ve read the most non-newsworthy Jennifer Aniston non-news story that the unrelenting, amoral blob that is celebrity gossip news has to offer, you flip the calendar to 2010 and wham, it’s Aniston news from 20 years ago:

Aniston Howard Stern News

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t legitimately impressed, both by Aniston’s publicist and Us Weekly, and I’m now optimistic that 2010 could take us up to a totally new echelon of celebrity news that forces us to ask “is this a thing???” At this pace, that question will be up to four question marks and an exclamation point before the year’s out.

It’s Thursday, so….checking the chore chart, I believe the next celebrity up for a “non-newsworthy news story” iiiiiissss… Jessica Simpson. Full disclosure: The chore chart is just a photo of Jessica Simpson with the words “Jessica Simpson” on it.

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