Simon Cowell To Depart “Idol”

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We…can…barely…type through our tears. Simon Cowell, the British man-bitch who made humiliation so wonderful to watch, is leaving “American Idol” after this season. (Check out VH1′s “American Idol” playlist.) Who the hell is going to ruin the lives of thousands of tone-deaf, aspiring singers? Ellen DeGeneres, the nicest woman on earth? Randy “Dawg” Jackson? That other lady no one cares about? We think not!

Simon will apparently be bringing his hit U.K. show “The X Factor” to the States in the fall of 2011, and will serve as its judge. Says the gajillionaire, “I’m thrilled that we have put a date on the launch of the U.S. version of ‘The X Factor,’ and delighted to be continuing to work with Fox.”

We have three words for”American Idol” – Bring. Back. Paula. That is – if Simon doesn’t snag her for “The X Factor” first. [Photo: GettyImages]