Liveblogging The Golden Globes: Hollywood’s Most Fun, Fake Awards Show!

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11:01: If you’re just joining this liveblog, begin at the bottom and read upwards. Enjoy…

11:00: And that. is. IT! Typical awards show, but moved at a fast clip. Ricky Gervais was used perfectly. But perhaps no GIF could really capture the… spirit… of the Golden Globes better than this one from earlier in the night, courtesy of Mel Gibson. Thank you for joining us, and have a lovely night.

MEL GIBSON DRUNK GIF

10:59: Check out one of the show producers! Well done Suhkeh.

PRODUCER GG

10:56: Julia Roberts presents James Cameron with the Golden Globe for Best Picture for “Avahdah” (Arnold).

AVATAR GG 2

We love the little goatee’d guy giving the thank you speech.

10:52: UPDATE!! Reader MandaAnn took us up on our Photoshop challenge and made a cover of Bad Euphemism for Dummies. Scroll down to see it.

JEFF BRIDGES GG

10:47: Kate Winslet looks flawless as she presents the Best Actor Award to Jeff Bridges, who easily gets the loudest, longest standing O of the night, replete with one of John Krasinski’s trademarked side-camera glances. We love how he kicks off his speech thanking his wife, instead of tacking it on at the end.

10:47: Sofia Loren gets to sit next to Colin Firth? Lucky bitch.

RDJ JR GG

10:45: Robert Downey Jr. wins for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, and he basically deserves the award for this hilarious speech alone. He remains to be the most hilarious, handsome, adorable, charming actor working today. We really wish he would have kicked down that tiny little microphone though before he left.

10:40: Taking a moment to acknowledge how adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt is. Carry on.

SANDY BLOCK GG

10:36: Mickey Rourke dismounts his invisible horse to present Sandra Bullock with a Best Actress award for The Blind Side.

10:34: My BFF Annie just compared James Cameron to a choreographer named Trisha Brown, saying he has a “kind witch face.” You be the judge America.

10:34: Arnold is looking good, especially when he says “Ahvahdahhhh.”

10:33: OMFG. ARNOLD SCHWARTZY IS THERE!! Morgan Freeman is mmmunimpressed.

HANGOVER GG

10:27: Reese Witherspoon, looking svelte, announces The Hangover as the year’s Best Comedy. While director (hot director? We say yes.) Todd Phillips says he didn’t expect the award, most people would agree it was the funniest movie of 2009.

10:25: Revelation: Why is Mike Tyson so short? Compared to the rest of the Hangover crew, he’s lookin’ super Diff’rent Strokesy

GLEE GG

10:21: OMFG. GLEE WON. YOU GUYS….

GLEE WON!!!!!!!!!!

Lea Michelle’s dress is serious and awesome. We love this show, it feels like our family just won. Wait, hold on, that is a really sad thing to say. But it’s true, f*ck it.

10:16: I was rooting for Quentin Tarantino to win for Best Director, but instead it went to James “Benedict Arnold Hair” Cameron. Upon accepting his award, James announced that he needs to make his speech quick because he has to “pee something fierce.” Which means he finally understands how every. single. person. who saw Avatar felt around the fourth or fifth hour.

PAUL MCCARTNEY AND JULIA ROBERTS GG

10:15: Ricky Gervais makes a joke calling Mel Gibson a drunk, and seriously is killing the crowd.

10:05: I like to call this a Leo DiScreenCappio:

LEO DICAPS

MARTY SCORCESE GG 123

10:00: This Scorcese montage is truly a cinematic orgasm. Kundun being the awkward few minutes after the deed has been done.

9:58: Brendan Frasier’s Reaction Shot to Robert DeNiro’s “To Catch a Predator” impression should immediately be cut, bronzed, and placed in the Smithsonian next to the set from Blast from the Past.

ROBERT DENINI GG

9:57: De Niro and DiCaprio and Scorcese? BRB off to J-off into my entire Criterion DVD collection.

CHRISTOPH WALTZ GG

9:53: Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds!! He should also take home the Oscar, if life is fair at all. For an Austrian born actor, his accent is surprisingly American. His speech is also strangely poetic and beautiful.

HALLE B GG

9:52: Halle Berry can physically not look undrop dead gorgeous. This is a compliment.

CHLOE S GG

9:50: Chloe Sevigny wins for Big Love. Thoughts on her dress? I sort of love the style, hate the color. Goes without saying you have to be an incubator premie to pull it off. Her breathlessness is pretty much only charming on Drew Barrymore.

9:47: Taylor Lautner enters the stage, and I swear there’s laughter in the audience. Or is that post-menopausal nervous laughter? My BFF Annie, who is a PHD student perhaps not super in touch with pop culture on Lautner: “Who is this dork?” I’ve never heard that much hate in her voice.

MAD MEN GG CAST

9:41: Mad Men deservedly wins for Best Drama. Jon Hamm and his beard look around nervously. Matthew Weiner kills with a Bar Mitzvah reference, and the Jews eat it up like so many tasteless balls of ground fish. Also Pete Campbell’s new look is very Airborne. Cue “The Pasty Globe Awards” jokes about Joan’s ever-overflowing rack.

MAD MEN GG CAST 3

9:38: No, SANK YOU director of The White Ribbon, for your fabulous accent. He should probably just also get up and accept some Inglourious Basterds awards while he’s at it.

SOPHIA LOREN PIC

9:35: Samuel L. Jackson introduces Sophia Loren to a standing ovation. The woman looks f*cking fantastic. I love a little Russian prostitute sleeve-bling combined with cotton candy hair (said with literally no sarcasm.) We definitely had that pinky-blue tint on our 5th grade glasses lenses. #1990LOLz

9:34: Note to GG producers: That man was most definitely not Christoph Waltz. Did they just swap him out with a real life Nazi?

9:29: Lemme tell you something: An award isn’t the only thing I would accept on Alec Baldwin’s behalf. Just got that joke out of my Bad Sex Euphemisms for Dummies book. (Someone pls photoshop that cover thx.) UPDATE: Thank You MandaAnn, for taking our photoshop challenge below and making this genius thing:

Bad Sex Euphemisms For Dummies

And if there’s anyone who could use a good sex euphemism, it’s the “Blank For Dummies” guy. Those eyes…

MATT MORRISON GG

9:28: OUR FIRST GLEE SIGHTING: Matthew Morrison!! Our sweet, rapping, curly-haired baby looks nervous. Tip if he wants to win next year: LESS RAPPING. We “kid,” we love you MM.

9:25: MO’NIQUE UPDATE:

MONIQUE REACTION

9:23: BFF Annie on Cameron Diaz: “Her face looks like a donut.” Does this make sense to anyone?

drew barrymore  gg

9:16: Drew Barrymore (winner for Grey Gardens) & Justin Long make me happy as a couple. Also believe it or not loving Drew’s nude gown. Not quite sure what she’s really talllllllking about in her speech, but given her general loveliness and likability, she can basically do whatever she wants.

9:15: On Anna Paquin: My BFF “She really sucks.” Me: “She’s my least favorite person in the whole world.” (Cue another “No offense.”)

9:14: Let it be known, having stood merely feet away from Kevin Bacon at Friday night’s CCMAs, he weighs about as much as a 2-ply napkin.

9:14: Upon seeing Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana’s gorgeous gown & Jeremy Irons: “I missed all this making the Stanley Tucci GIF? What have I done?”

9:12: BREAKING NEWS: Here is the first animated GIF of Stanley Tucci EVER MADE IN THE HISTORY OF THE INTERNET (I think and am probably wrong on this fact, by the by):

STANLEY-TUCCI-GIF

9:11: Helen Mirren is gracing us with her presence. Cue 5,000 girls offering to “switch teams” for the opportunity to spend a night with this woman.

HELEN MIRREN TEAM CHANGE

9:06: By the way, to refresh this post and get our updates ASAP, hit “Shift + Refresh.” I also suggest this treatment for when your ass starts to hurt.

9:02: Rooting for Sandy B-Lockkkkkkkk. And Uh-Wonnnnce Uh-Gennnnnn Meryl Streep wins for Julie & Julia. “I wanna change my name to T-Bone. T-Bone Streep.” — Meryl. Has the alcohol already sunk in. DEF.

9:01: Ricky Gervais is seriously causing a record number of LOLz tonight. For God’s Sake, he caused Colin Farrell to say balls. +1

8:59: “Shutttt Uppppp.” — Me to Grey Gardens woman in purple dress. “And now, a tap dance.” – my BFF Annie who is watching the show with me.

8:58: Grey Gardens gets the GTFO musical treatment.

8:54: This Georgia O’Keefe clip makes me believe that this might have been the best comedy of year.

8:51: Here is your first tear-jerking GIF of the night: Michael C. Hall accepting his 5000 percent well-deserved award for Dexter… please heal soon Michael, the world needs and loves you.

DEXTER-GIF-MICHAEL-C-HALL

8:47: BWE.TV POP QUIZ: Jon Hamm’s Beard… Yes or No?

JON HAMM BEARD

8:45: CHER‘S SIDE LACE DRESS. THE WOMAN HAS DONE IT HAGAIN.

CHER AND XTINA

8:44: Ricky Gervais making fun of Paul McCartney sitting in coach has caused my first official awards show LOL in 6 years. I do believe this means he is doing an amazing job.

8:42: UPDATE: Now workin. In case you missed it, here’s a genius Steve Carell gif that you will most certainly get a lot of use out of:

STEVE-CARELL-OFFICE-GIF

8:39: Julianna Margulies wins for Best Actress for The Good Wife. Aaaaand we don’t really care. “No offense.” – Ja’Mie, Summer Heights High.

8:35: Michael C. Hall deserves every ounce of that Golden Globe for Dexter. But it physically hurts to see him with a head covering on due to his recent cancer revelation (revealed to be Hodkins). Only good energy to this man, he is a NATIONAL F**KING TREASURE.

8:33: Jane Krakowski and Neil Patrick Harris might be the best comedic duo of presenters of the evening. Not to let you down.

8:30: “One thing that can’t be bought is a Golden Globe. Officially.” — Ricky Gervais, doubting his future as a GG host.

8:29: Will Nine win for the Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical? As the Germans would say… Probably Nein.

8:22: According to McCartney, Up was the film adults most enjoyed while watching high. 100 percent correct.

PAUL MCC GG

8:21: MOST GENIUS AUDIENCE CUT: Paul McCartney enters the stage. Cut to: Mike Tyson of course. Paul is presenting Best Animated Feature Film. Secret story alert: HE is actually the best animated film.

8:20: Michael C. Hall looks so sick. Please get well soon adorably sweet man.

8:19: HE WINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! PASTY GIANT DOUGH MAN IN A TUB FTW.

John Lithgow GG

8:18: If John Lithgow doesn’t win this for Dexter, this awards show is officially bullsh*t.

8:17: Two people presenting who I barely care about… You have 5 seconds to pee.

TONI COLLETTE PIC

8:12: Toni Collette wins for The United States of Tara, and looks RADIANT and STUNNING. All memories of my favorite movie Muriel’s Wedding being slowly erased from our memory. Teem Seems? Anything? No.

8:06: Penelope Cruz, as always, radiating beauty. Monique has got a great, strong-willed clap. It’s Best Supporting Actress… and it goes to MONIQUEEEEEEEEEE! Get ready for a super serious speech. Don’t let her comedy chops fool you, she means business.

MONIQUE GG

8:05: Our first official Jay Leno ref! Shocked that it took 5 minutes to get to.

8:05: “You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money. But you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think… Mummy.” — Ricky, sans Angelina Jolie action shot.

8:04: Love Keifer Sutherland! He loves to laugh about himself and his uber-sexual violent tendencies. Das a reaaaaw maaan.

8:03: Gervais is already killing it amongst the poor people in the back. The celebrities in the front? They don’t look too “laffy.”

8:02: GEORGE LUCAS Front and centies!! Ricky Gervais makes a penis reduction joke, and Cameron Diaz looks like she forgot how to breathe. Not from laughter, just from short term memory issues…

8:00: Oh, that ever-familiar Golden Globes theme song!!! IT’S FINALLY HEEEERE! 2 seconds in and a genius Steve Carell reaction shot.

7:55: Here are 5 of the Best Dressed of the evening, according to sister site The Fab Life:

best dressed comp pic
That’s from L to R: Emily Blunt, Marion Cotillard, Tina Fey, Sandra Bullock and Olivia Wilde (in Gucci). Very classy Hollywood!! This is no fun. Let’s get into some celebrity Russian Prostitute nightmares pronto…

7:51: “It’s not rain. It’s just God crying for NBC.” — Tina Fey gets spiritual on Billy Bush.

7:46 PM: I’m still in LA at the moment and can vouch for the “torrential” (by California standards) rainstorm. Has it stopped people from sitting in the red carpet bleachers to catch glimpse of their favorite stars? Hefty bags says no.

7:45 PM: According to people replying to me on Twitter, people are looking very shiny tonight. The new love of my life Quentin Tarantino (again, check out the CCMA interview reel tomorrow) looks quite dapper in a Nick Nolte-esque poncho situation that only he can really get away with.

7:40: OK We’re just getting caught up on the red carpet looks, but our friend and employee Lauren had the horsesense to send along a pic of the Glee cast. Seems like a good way to kick off the liveblog!

GLEE CAST

Well, it seems like the Critic’s Choice Awards were right around the corner (oh wait, they were), and we beg for you to come back to BWE.tv tomorrow to check out our red carpet interview compilation… because there are some moments that just need to be seen.

But tonight, a different monster altogether: The “Foreign Press Association,” code for “Russian Mafia,” puts together the glitziest, A-List awards show of the year: The Golden Globe Awards, like the Oscars… but WAY more trashed. Join us for our liveblog throughout the evening!o

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