Glorious, landlocked Orlando, Florida was sweet relief after the terrible, horrible, no good very bad day we spent in Chicago for American Idol auditions this week. Plenty of great contestants to choose from, a pair of sisters who dressed in neon mini-dresses that came courtesy of the 5-7-9 at the Cherry Hill Mall, a guy in handcuffs, and Kara DioGuardi’s horribleness amplified to the nth power, where “n” equals Kristin Chenoweth. Algebra aside, this was an episode we loved and hated all at once.
5. Kara And Kristin Sitting In A Tree
Broadway star, Glee guest actress and Critics’ Choice Movie Awards host Kristin Chenoweth was a decent enough choice for a guest judge. She’s musically talented, she’s got a perky personality, and, unfortunately, she brings out the worst, most annoying characteristics in Kara. Luckily, Chenoweth was only available for Day 1 of auditions, so we only had to endure the copious high fives and “Girl Power!” rally cries (yes, seriously, in 2010 with the “girl power”) for half the show. It’s great that they hit it off and all, but you know it’s bad when Ryan Seacrest swears, because even he noticed they “annoyed the sh*t out of Simon”. And us.
4. The Sobs, They Never End
Is this season turning into a charitable cause? It’s getting very Extreme Makeover: Home Edition this year and it feels like they’re only letting the sob stories through. Our heartstrings were definitely tugged though to the point where maybe we misted up…a little…hardly…whatever, no we didn’t (yes we did) at Seth Rollins’ story. At 28, this was Rollins’ last chance to audition and now more than ever the guy needs a break and some money to care for his autistic son. Coupled with his song choice of “Someone To Watch Over Me”, our emotions hung by a fragile thread and we were psyched to see him make it to Hollywood. Matt Lawrence, the night’s final audition, was more of the same – seeking the redemptive powers only offered by the Fox Network, Lawrence was in prison for four years and wants to sing to make his family proud. Kudos to his Ray LaMontagne song choice and his cuddly exterior which helped him make it through. Overall, seeing them go to Hollywood was the emotional equivalent of “Move that bus”!
3. Wacky, In A Good Way
Between Jay Stone, the beatboxing Beatle and Cornelius Edwards, he of the split pants, the night’s talent definitely veered toward the unconventional, and we dug it. We actually didn’t really expect the judges to take either of these guys seriously and they both managed to get through. Plus, our new favorite saying is definitely “My pants done rip.”
2. Sister, Sister
Oh, the Desimone sisters, Amanda and Bernadette. Like Kara said “Something about you…something told me you were from Jersey.” These were two that we definitely didn’t believe the judges would go for but managed to squeak by. Also, like Chicago contestant Charity Vance, they have a salon in their home – what gives? When did this become a thing? Mostly the judges enjoyed watching each girl while the other sister would sing, that was what made them so riveting – when Amanda sang “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”, it was pretty clear that somebody she referred to was Bernadette. Bernie, sure enough, was dancing off camera. It was all very weird, and felt like a skit written by people who were just imagining how they thought sisters should act. And why would the judges deny us more of that?
1. A Glinton Of Hope
In a night where we got Jarrod Norrell singing “Amazing Grace” only to be led out in handcuffs, a felon who robbed a bank who wowed us with his sensitive side, Kara not wearing a bra, and a lot of genuine talent, we’re still mesmerized by the first contestant we saw, Mr. Theo Glinton. Glinton has mirrored pieces of flair glued to his face, feathers, a cape reminiscent of Buffalo Bill’s from Silence of the Lambs, and a future goal of owning a salon (again, what show are we watching, because if it’s not Extreme Makeover: Home, then it’s Tabitha’s Salon Takeover), and no musical talent. But A+++ for effort in the eye-catching department, we say.
Next week, Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne will be doling out their musical “expertise” in L.A. so get a grain of salt ready!