American Idol Auditions: Los Angeles (And Un Diablo)

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avril

We can confirm that L.A. contestants on American Idol are a lot more emotionally unstable than in other cities. That was the biggest lesson we learned from Tuesday night’s crying montage anyway. We also learned during the episode that Avril Lavigne will never not shop at Hot Topic, Katy Perry appears to hate Kara DioGuardi as much as we do, and a lot of ministers want to be rock stars. Read on for all of our stray observations from this pretty craptastic episode.


5. A New Respect For Katy Perry

We’re not the world’s biggest Katy Perry fans, at least we’re not fans of her music, but boy do we love her for dishing it out to Kara during Day 2 of Idol auditions. When she showed up on the set she said she was going to be brutally honest, and she was true to her word. In fact, she seemed more critical of her fellow judges than of the talent when she criticized them for making an entrance via helicopter, and at one point she threatened to throw her Coke in Kara’s face after Kara relapsed into her 1996-inspired girl power theme.  Can we give Katy Simon Cowell’s job next year please?

4. Feelin’ Dirty

Jason Greene would have skeeved us out during his version of “I Touch Myself” if he wasn’t so entertaining. His raunchy, innuendo-filled version had him writhing and kneeling before the judges who told him that he made them feel dirty. Our favorite part though was when Jason gave Ryan Seacrest his phone number. If you’re going to play along with the Season Nine Drinking Game, take a sip for a reference to Ryan being gay.

3. Thank God For These Two

Jim Ranger
and Tasha Layton are both going to Hollywood, but they have one more thing in common – they’re both ministers. We’ve had our share of music teachers and church music directors on the show – hello, Danny Gokey – but two ministers in one episode was a new one. We really liked Jim Ranger and we are a little obsessed with his name and its possibilities for future puns, and it was especially promising that even Avril, who was dressed in a devil-inspired hoodie, sent him through.

2. Neil Before Me

What else can we say about Neil Goldstein that the nineteen year old didn’t already say about himself? He’s a genius with an I.Q. of 168, has a history of being hit by doors pushed open by Simon Cowell, and is delusional and sweaty, to the discomfort of those around him. We got a distinctively home-schooled or at least “not allowed to watch TV that isn’t educational” vibe from him. We tried to decipher who he looked like – it was a toss up between a blond Paula Poundstone and a low-foreheaded Meatloaf. The Meatloaf choice was cemented though when he chose to sing “Rock N’ Roll Dreams Come True”.  Poor Neil and his tongue click never had a chance. Between him and Austin Fullmer, he of the shiny Freddy Krueger shirt and Mick Jagger rooster dance, we definitely found the night’s crazies.

1. Crossover Episode

Very small point to make here, but during the “Adam Lambert Hair Is A New Trend” montage (which is unfortunately a thing now, we guess), that was totally Project Runway Season 1 and 2 contestant Daniel Franco claiming to be a cross between Susan Boyle and Adam Lambert. Personally we always though he was just a cross between k.d. lang and a mystical homeless person. It’s sad-slash-creepy to know he’s still out there looking for a reality TV home.

Bonus Material:

  • Katy Perry managed to say what we’re all thinking during a sob story! After Kara gushed on and on after foster kid Chris Golightly’s version of “Stand By Me”, Katy was all “This is not a Lifetime movie, honey,” to Kara, bless her brash and nearly exposed heart.
  • A.J. Mendoza IS The SNL Target Lady IN the Living Colour biopic “The Kelt Of Peersenellity”!

Tomorrow night, Neil Patrick Harris and a Jonas brother go deep in the heart of Texas to discover the talent that lurks in the Alamo’s basement. Ok, they’re going to Dallas but still.

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