Just this summer, we were rooting for Taylor Swift. We wept softly at our desk as we listened to Fearless (ugh, we were “Fifteen” once too!) and jumped on the Kanye-bashing bandwagon after the VMAS. Then came her triumphant stint hosting “Saturday Night Live,” and it seemed that she could do no wrong. She even wrote a love song to her mother, for Christ’s sake!
Yet just as quickly as we fell in love, we’ve fast grown disenchanted with Taylor’s ‘Surprised Princess Of All Things Perfect And Oh! Look At My Hair!’ shtick. She’s like one breathless, blond version of Groundhog Day – every time we see her she’s doing the same exact thing, and it’s grown damn old real fast.
After forcing ourselves to sit through The Taylor Swift Awards The Grammys on Sunday, we compiled our list of 5 Reasons To Hate Taylor Swift, complete with a giant gallery of the singer busting out her signature award – accepting moves (the open mouth, the glazed over look, the hands on the heart). And while we must admit to feeling a bit guilty about bashing a girl who’s just barely out of her teens and could teach Lindsay Lohan and friends a thing or too about class and stability, the Taylor backlash has gotten too strong to ignore. Besides, it’ll make great fodder for her next album!
- 1. Her ‘OMG! I can’t believe I just won this award! I mean, I’ve been nominated for over 87 awards and have won 59 of them, but seriously, OMG! I AM IN SHOCK!’ reaction every time she wins something. Look, we know it must be thrilling to snag a ton of trophies before reaching the legal drinking age, but get it together, girlfriend. Just because your song is named “Breathless,” doesn’t mean you have to be.
Evidence A:
Evidence B:
- 2. The fact that she kinda can’t sing in public (also known as the ‘I can’t believe Stevie Nicks was relegated to playing tambourine behind Taylor Swift’ complaint). Holy crap, did you hear this mess at the Grammys?
We’re starting to suspect that maybe Tay’s voice isn’t all that when she’s not being digitally enhanced in the studio. And we won’t take nerves as an excuse – she’s been doing this since she was 14, she should be a pro by now.
- 3. The way she flops her luxurious locks. When we polled people about why they loathed Taylor, numerous haters pointed us in the director of her hair tossing moves. Start the video above at the 3:25 mark to see it in action. Does her heavy metal rockin’ rub you the wrong way too?
- 4. Taylor’s sparkle princess uniform. We get it Taylor, you are a pure pretty princess, made up of sugar, spice, all things nice, and 100,000 Swarovski crystals and sequins in varying shades of white, gold and silver. (Examples here, here and here!) The only thing more cloying and saccharine than her outfits are her awards show speeches. Leave the fairy tale stuff to your new single, puh-leeez.
- 5. 24/7 Taylor syndrome has finally taken its toll. Clearly Tay’s people got a little overexcited when their girl started making headlines, and they pushed her way too far out in front of the paparazzi cameras. Fake-dating Taylor Lautner was the final straw – we want to see the girl live her real boring life, not a bogus one. Apparently her publicists are even worried that she’s gotten overexposed and are forcing their cash calf into hiding.
