America’s long national nightmare is over: Jon Gosselin and TLC have settled their dueling lawsuits. “TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC,” said the network in a statement. While this means JoGo won’t be running off to film Divorced Dad’s Club or Jon Loves Octomom for anyone else (” I truly hope that this new adventure for TLC and the Gosselins is a much more joyful journey,” Jon’s lawyer prayed to Radar), we’re cool as long as our hero is free of the injuction that has kept him from speaking to media for more than two months (seriously, it’s been that long!). Here are some of the mysteries that have been locked behind TLC’s muzzle:
- How Jon feels about being broke.
- How Jon feels about his young girlfriend Morgan Christie being rich.
- How Jon feels about ex Hailey Glassman allegedly slashing his stuff up with a butcher knife.
- How Jon feels about reports that the police think it was a hoax.
- How Jon feels about ex Kate Major challenging him to box Michael Lohan.
- How Jon feels about Glassman and Major agreeing that he has a small penis.
Why, if you had two cents for every opinion JoGo’s wanted to share with the paparazzi since December, you could probably buy a cup of coffee…or at least put a quarter or two in the tip jar. Oh yeah—those little brats can go back on TV too. Get psyched!
[Photo: Splash News Online]