American Idol: Girls Gone Wild

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The top twelve girls performed on American Idol last night and while the singing was nothing great, the hair, makeup and outfits were definitely enough to distract us and make the show worth it. We learned that on live TV, Ellen DeGeneres’ highest compliment is telling someone (or everyone) they have a great voice. Unfortunately, judging from the song choices, we only think that’s true of two or three of these girls. And yeah, the girl with our favorite name, Crystal Bowersox, is one of the best. For our other highlights (and lowlights) read on…

Meet The Beatles

Three of the night’s contestants sang The Beatles, a band near and dear to us and now semi-ruined for us. Kateyln Epperly (the girl obsessed with avenging her father for divorcing her mother) sang a not-terrible version of “Oh! Darling”. The judges didn’t hate it, but Kara DioGuardi did hate how Katelyn tarted herself up with – gasp! – red lipstick. Whore! Personally, we were more perplexed by her hair. Remember how Meg Ryan’s hair became inexplicably super-permed for the last three scenes of When Harry Met Sally? That’s the look Katelyn was rocking. Overall, she managed to ruin two of the most significant pop culture touchstones in our lives. Thanks a lot, Katelyn.

Haeley Vaughn, from beneath a veil of face glitter, sang a version of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” that felt like it would have been great background music for a Viagra For Women commercial. Lilly Scott, the silver-haired Adele wannabe who sang “Fixing A Hole” gets points for song choice but we took issue with her attempt at retro-voice. The judges had no problem with that though and ate it up. Kara said something about Lilly making a great subway busker and Randy Jackson called her “a real indie artist” presumably because she wants to look prematurely gray on purpose (hey, Lilly, Dame Edna called, she wants her colorist back.) (Are we dating ourselves with Dame Edna references? Remember when she was big?)

Getting Frisky

Ellen and Simon Cowell made light of the reports that they’ve been feuding by making a pretty hilarious video of what REALLY went on during Hollywood Week. Ellen explained that the reason for all the discomfort is, plain and simple, Simon wants her…bad. In some footage taken from above the judging station, we saw just how handsy Simon gets with Ellen, and we can see why there’s so much tension. Luckily all was civil during the live show.

The Good

Per usual, we loved Crystal Bowersox and her headgear harmonica, and contrary to what Simon said, we don’t think she’s just your average subway singer. Kudos also to Siobhan Magness, the lovable stoner-y Massachusetts glass-blower who went with an unconventional-for-Idol song choice by choosing Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game”. Her version wasn’t at 100%, but we thought she was certainly better than most of the competition. Michelle Delamor also sang a capable version of “Fallin’”, but mostly we like her because of her gorgeous Oprah hair. Seriously, who knew hair would be so important to us in this competition?

The Bad

We had such high hopes for Janell Wheeler but man, she definitely proved that no one but Heart should sing Heart. “What About Love” is a song that we never fully appreciated in the 80s but now that Heart is the go-to for girls who want to prove their pipes, it makes us realize how good you have to be to sing it. Ashley Rodriguez and Lacey Brown fell flat too, poor Lacey’s version of “Landslide” made us pine for any other version but hers. Smashing Pumpkins, Dixie Chicks, whatever, just push play, stat.

The Ugly

Some of the biggest attention grabbers weren’t the songs these girls sang, but the outfits they sported. Namely the macramé vest Didi Benami wore (that looked like the braided rug everyone had in their front hallway in 1982) and the floral toga Lacey Brown wore. Lacey is also the recipient of whatever hair dye Allison Iraheta didn’t use last season – did these guys get makeovers already, or do we still have that to look forward to? Assuming Lacey makes the cut this week, we hope she gets a cut this week.

Tomorrow night we hear from the guys (boys? men? Boys II Men?), a group that, to our surprise still contains Big Mike Lynche, who is supposed to have been eliminated. Are the reports wrong? We we thrown for a loop? Perhaps Ryan Seacrest will explain it all tomorrow. And with that, we are one episode down in a three-episode week. Make it count, Idol!

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