LOST SEASON 6, EPISODE 5 RECAP: Clairey Monsters

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This is a Recap of Lost Season 6, Episode 5, “Lighthouse”, originally airing February 23, 2010. It is also the 108th episode of the series, which is the sum of the numbers! I haven’t even gotten to the spoiler announcement yet and I’m spoilin’ crazy crap! Better not read on if you haven’t seen the episode or have an easily blown mind!

JACK JUNIOR, SUPERGENIUS

In this week’s flash-caddycorner (everyone else is calling it “flash-sideways,” but I’m a term maverick), Jack Shephard briefly examines a stomach scar in the mirror; his mother tells him he had his appendix out when he was seven, which he suspiciously doesn’t remember, and that Jack’s father wanted to perform the operation himself but wasn’t allowed to cause he’d just keep calling Jack’s appendix a failure. Jack leaves to pick up his son… GUGUGUHHHHWHhhhhaaaaa???? Jack has a son??? Is he as immediately bitchy as the previous two generations of male Shephards? He is!

Jack’s son David — named after the biblical David? Sure, why not — doesn’t like talking to his pop, cause he’s too busy listening to music his dad doesn’t even know (he’s called Beethoven, you Narc!) and eating Pepperidge Farm cookies his dad doesn’t even know. Jack leaves to help his mother find his dad’s will buried somewhere in their cluttered-ass Eleventh Hour study, spends a few moments whining to his mom about his loveless child, then his mom uncovers the will and finds out “He left everything to… Sayid? What the hell?” Actually, she’s preoccupied with the question “Who’s Claire Littleton?”, to which Jack responds “Gllllllllllll…Iyyyy…errrr…umm….eeerrrrrr” and turns red and keeps jerking his collar cartoonishly until it rips.

Jack then pulls a ‘Cool Dad’ and returns home with pizza and some generic cola, only to find that David has gone…TO THE ISLAND??? No, to audition at a fancy music conservatory, as Jack finds out from listening to his son’s answering machine before breaking into his diary and reading about his crushes. Jack drives to the conservatory in time to learn that his son is the greatest piano player on Earth, even receiving a compliment from a conspicuous Asian auditioner — a friend of mine joked “Thanks, Little Jin! Oh, never mind, I was actually close…” — who turns out to be the son of Dogen, leader of the new island temple commune. David then confesses to Jack he hid his piano playing hypergenius from his father cause he didn’t want Jack to see him fail, which reminds Jack a leeeeettle bit of a certain other pressure-filled father-son relationship he’s awfully familiar with: Boone and Boone Sr.

As for Dogen 2K4, he’s just the latest in a string of unexpected other-reality cameos during Lost’s final season — Dogen, Ben, Ethan, Will Ferrell — so we’re really getting set up for everything to ultimately converge. My current theory is that New-2004 and the present-day islanders will finally catch up with one another, and the Series Finale is just everyone making out with themselves.

After the jump, Claire goes all murdery, Jack goes all smashy, and Jin’s leg goes for a Violentest Thing Emmy:

LIFEHOUSE

Hurley ambles into the temple and asks “Hey, you got a kitchen in here?” and Jacob responds “I already told you no, Hungry Hurley, and that pit isn’t bacon grease either!” [LAUGH TRACK] Hurley realizes he’s seeing Jacob again, and Jacob instructs him to write a novel’s worth of instructions on his arm — I couldn’t think of how to shoehorn-in the Simpsons joke “I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incident occurred in 1956 when…” so I just wrote this sentence — and implores him to grab Jack and sneak out of the temple through the secret passageway in the Conservatory. After an Office-esque interaction between Hurley and Dogen, Hurley convinces Jack to go with him by passing along Jacob’s advice, “You have what it takes.” Jack’s like “That’s the opposite of what my dad said! You’re my new dad Hurley” and goes along.

Jack and Hurley escape the temple with ease because they’re “candidates” and can do as they please, and quickly stumble across Kate for no apparent reason, who admits “Oh, it’s you Jack. I almost shot you after I realized who you were.” They move on without Kate — Kate was really in this episode? Did I nap for a minute and dream that? If I did, it officially counts as part of Lost now — and follow Jacob’s directions to the giant titular lighthouse, which causes Jack to remark “How’d we never see that before?”, either a reference to the island’s possible physical changes in the current reality, or the writers winkingly acknowledging a plothole.

It’s a pretty standard lighthouse — kick-in-able door, stairs, elaborate system of mirrors with adjustable coordinates that correspond to individual candidates and reflect the mainland present of that candidate — and Hurley passes along Jacob’s instruction to turn the mirrors to 108 degrees. Why “108″? Check out this hat trick of f*ckyerbrain:

#1: 108 is the sum of The Numbers

#2: “The Lighthouse” was the 108th episode of Lost

#3: The name corresponding to 108 is a crossed-out candidate named “Wallace”. This one isn’t totally significant, as we don’t know who Wallace is, but I assume it refers to either:

a) David Wallace
b) Wallace from The Wire
c) Gromit’s Owner
d) Something That Won’t Matter

I put the odds at about 1%, 1%, 1.3%, and 90,000%, respectively.

Jack, being the type of person who’d care, sees his own name on the dial and turns all “Why is my name on this? Why does my name make the mirrors show my childhood home that I’m also living in in new 2004?? Where is Jacob with the answers, Hurley! I’m taking this out on you!” and smashes the mirrors with a nearby mirror-smashing telescope. Jacob then walks in and goes “Sorry I was one minute late, but WHOA HOLY SH*T JACK WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Actually, Jacob meant to have Jack smash all his lighthouse mirrors, he confesses to Hurley while Jack is off pulling a ‘Sad Sawyer looking into the ocean,’ because he needed Jack to realize “how important he is.” He adds that Jack has to do something important, but he can’t be told what it is, he has to figure it out for himself. Hurley answers “Hopefully that thing is eating that murder pill. Did I say that out loud? Who cares.”

THE AIR UP CLAIRE

Meanwhile, Jin has suffered the violentest injury in the show’s history that they made sure to showcase in seven close-ups, and when New EvilClaire helps him walk, he takes one step, forgets that only Sayid is badass enough to walk with that injury, and immediately passes out. He wakes up on a pile of clothes and crap in Claire’s beach college dormroom (there was a Scarface poster made out of sand), and wakes up long enough to find Claire’s animal carcass baby, an indication that Claire has an animal carcass baby now. Claire returns to the tent keeping Justin, the talkative New Other from two weeks ago, as a prisoner, then grabs an axe and demands to know where the New Others are keeping Aaron or so help her, she’ll style their hair like hers. OHHHHH!!!! This concludes this week’s Lost Catty Corner! Rawr!

We learned two weeks ago that Claire has been “infected” by whatever growing presence took over Sayid, meaning, the Smoke Monster in some form, and Dark Claire tells Jin that “her friend” told her that the New Others were holding Aaron (Who’s the friend? The Smoke Monster? I’ll bet it is! This easy guess will be confirmed in the next paragraph.) Claire then adds, “My friend is also upset about the size of her boyfriend’s penis – can you give me any advice that I can pass along to my friend?” Justin fails to convince Jin to untie him so he can kill Claire before she kills them, but Jin does attempt to protect Justin by telling Claire that Kate took Aaron back to the mainland to raise him, which Claire doesn’t believe, and when Jin finally admits that he’s seen Aaron in the temple, Claire responds by axing Justin to death, because she’s effing psychotic now. Claire angrily adds that if Jin had been telling the truth about Kate, she would’ve killed Kate, because she’s effing psychotic now.

Jin ultimately agrees to help Claire infiltrate the temple, presumably by some tactic that involves bloody staggering, and the episode ends with Claire introducing her friend. It’s Locke, the Smoke Monster! LOST. If that piece of information were a Stallone movie, it sure as hell wouldn’t have been Cliffhanger. It would’ve been, like, Copland or something. Did Doc Jensen mention Copland in HIS Lost Recap this week? He wrote eight pages about it? Damn.

Every week, I’ve pointed out reasons why I believe the Smoke Monster isn’t expressly “evil” and Jacob isn’t expressly “good,” despite the temptation to just label them based on what we’ve seen so far, but this new Claire seems just flat-out evil. Maybe there’ll be something more layered that makes some more sense in the next couple episodes, but for the time being, it really looks like Smoke Monster wants to kill everyone, and is manipulating Claire with her creepy phantom devotion for Aaron (and manipulating everyone else in various ways) to make sure it happens, while Jacob remains, essentially, just some cool ghost dude.

LOSTDS AND ENDS

– Who is the mother of Jack’s child? Sarah, his ex-wife, or someone else? They’re presumably divorced in this reality too, but Jack seems to be past his drinking problem at the moment, and is on the path to becoming a good father. Between Jack this week and Locke inviting his dad to his wedding last week, maybe the bomb they set off on the island just made all dads in 2004 better?

– Are the cave and the lighthouse the respective personal lists of Smoke Monster and Jacob? Anyone ever hear of PEN AND PAPER??? Heyooooo!!! And check out this guy over here! Who’s your tailor, sir, Joey Buttafucco?? I kid, I kid.

– Jack’s son was reading a version of Alice In Wonderland. Yaaaayyyy!!! A Lost literary reference I don’t have to Wikipedia!!! Oh man, if someone reads Hamlet next week, I’m gonna be red-hot on my reference-getting.

– Why was Hurley so shaken by Jack’s reasoning for coming back to the island? “I was broken, and thought this place could fix me” doesn’t sound anywhere near as traumatizing as constantly seeing and having conversations with ghosts.

– What was Jack’s neck injury from the beginning of the Season Premiere? Another suspicious operation he allegedly had as a child? Ora magical jumping island injury nevermind don’t even have to continue debating it, it’s a magical jumping island injury.

– Because there were too many awesome screencaps for my stupid caption-adding needs, here’s a quick gallery of some stills from “The Lighthouse”:

View Photo Gallery

Next week on Lost: The editors discover some turquoise techy-looking wipe and overuse the hell out of it. But even though everything’s all fuzzy and crap, QUESTIONS. WILL STILL. BE. ANSWERED. Fuzzy questions. Fuzzy math! Remember that? That’s about as impactful a conclusion as I’ll come up with for this week, so we’ll end it there.

Episode thoughts? Favorite / least favorite parts? Questions? Theories? Opinions of Jack’s son? Leave ‘em in the comments.

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