While You Were Eagerly Awaiting Conan O’Brien’s Next Tweet

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  • It’s being rumored that The Office star John Krasinski is in the running for the lead in Captain America. If he gets the role, most of the movie will just feature light sexual tension with The Invisible Woman.
  • The students at Ole Miss are voting on a new mascot, and beloved Star Wars Rebel strategist Admiral Akbar is currently a front runner. This would be the best sci-fi movie mascot since the UNLV Total Recall Three-boobed Aliens.
  • Mary-Kate Olsen has split from her boyfriend and was seen kissing actor Josh Hartnett in London. This is especially juicy news for gossip magazines in 2004.
  • Ben Stiller may be gearing up for a sequel to Zoolander, and not a moment too soon. College frat guys were running out of lines to quote.
  • Chris Brown says he supports Tiger Woods. Because when the whole world hates you, Chris Brown’s support is the first thing you want.
  • The USA Olympic hockey team beat Switzerland yesterday to advance to the semifinals. Kurt Russell is already being attached to star in Miracle 2: Go Canuck Yourself.
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