Robert Pattinson was embalmed and stuffed by taxidermists hired by his agent yesterday in order to keep him from choosing “challenging” film roles and to make him readily available for your richer Twi-hards to paw (tickets for five minutes of solo cuddle time with the frozen heartthrob currently go for $3,000). “I’ll miss him, but it’s not like we were dating or anything.” said Kristen Stewart, who approved the studio’s decision to change Twilight: Breaking Dawn into a film about Taylor Lautner‘s Jacob teaching a mournful Belle how to love…and dance…again (SPOILER: Edward is killed by Michelle Trachtenberg in the revamped Eclipse, the sequel’s title now referring to Belle’s revenge on Dawn and the rest of the Buffy crew. It’s a crossover time, baby! Don’t tell!)
Ah, how we kid. Madame Tussaud’s just unveiled a waxwork of Pattinson (who’s alive and well, we promise) in London, with teenage girls posing around the dummy like he’s some golden—or glittering—calf. Make an offering to the vampire icon in the gallery below. Kneel!
[Photo: Getty Images]