This is a Recap of Lost Season 6, Episode 10 entitled “The Package”, originally airing on March 30, 2010. If you read on, there’s a bunch of spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the episode you’ll be like “Aww man! I didn’t know that character said that weird joke thing in a cartoon speech bubble!”
SIDEWAYS STORIES FROM LOSTSIDE SCHOOL
In their flash-sidewayses, Jack had quit drinking and was bonding with his son, Locke was inviting his dad to his wedding, and Sawyer was an undercover sex-cop, whereas Sayid was still a lovelorn murderer with a tortured past and now we get to see Jin unmarried to Sun and forced to run for his life. So the message is that the new timeline is really good to Caucasians, but really hard on everyone else? Thanks, racist-ass timeline! Next week is gonna be Michael’s flash-sideways and it’s just flaming vultures pecking out his eyes for 45 minutes (actually, per the “next week on Lost” teaser, next week’s episode is remixed Braveheart footage).
We begin our Jin sideways story back at LAX, where Jin and Sun get their luggage back from security sans $25,000 in cash from Sun’s father that was confiscated because it somehow violated the 5 oz. leaving-the-airport liquid rule. The Kwons arrive at a hotel and check into their luxury romance neckin’ suite, but wait — they have separate rooms! And they ain’t the Kwons! Jin is emphatically ringless and sleeping across the hall from Sun, although destiny takes its course and Jin pulls a suave “Hey, just comin’ into your room to tell you I’m going to that restaurant at a billion o’clock oh wait there’s your boobs alllllriiiiighttttt I’ll staaaaayyyyyy…” and spends the night with Sun. Hence, the title of this week’s episode.
Jin & Sun (celeb nickname – “Bennifer”) discuss the romantic prospects of running away together, but are interrupted by someone pounding on the door, who turns out to beeeee……wait, don’t tell me… the candy bar that Jack had trouble getting from the hospital vending machine? Ah! Dang, it’s Keamy again, because they’ve run out of random people to bring back and have them say two lines in a neutral voice before their face is revealed so you’re all like “who is that AWWWW SHEEET!!!!!” Also, we recall that Jin ends up in the cooler at Chef Keamy’s Great American Kid-Shootin’ Bistro from the Sayid flash-sideways, so this actually makes sense.
Keamy demands the $25,000 that Sun’s father sent and summons a translator to get through to Sun, and of course, the Korean translator is Mikhail, the immortal one-eyed Russian! Although in this reality, Mikhail has both of his eyes intact in exchange for the unfortunate curse of being Joe Buck. Sun says she’ll pay Keamy out of her Korean slush fund, and goes on an awkward car ride with Mikhail to the bank while Jin is taped up in Keamy’s restaurant listening to Keamy speak English to himself for ninety minutes. Sayid kills everyone again (thank God – the last thing I need is another reality! I’m printing that campy phrase on a coffee mug that looks like this) and hesitantly frees Jin, and just as Mikhail and Sun return from the bank empty-handed, Jin gets the drop on Mikhail, they fight it out, and Jin shoots Mikhail multiple times, knocks his eye out again, and quips in his best Arnold, “I know you are, but what am EYE!”
And they lived happily ever after. LOST. Also Sun is pregnant and Jin shot her in the stomach. Aww raspberries!
We haven’t even gotten to the island yet — magic English-language amnesia and more after the jump:
WACKY ISLAND HIJINX
Meanwhile, on the island (“They’re still on the island?? Boy are they Lost!” – Someone’s Dad) Locke tells Jin he’ll reunite him with Sun because he needs all the candidates in one place to leave the island (or should he say, everyone needs to DIE-land? Hard to tell…), and strays off into the woods to follow the trail of badly-acted “you mean my husband is alive?” lines. As soon as Locke vanishes, just before the islanders are about to break into his liquor cabinet for a high school party, Widmore’s troops storm the beach with tranquelizer darts, knock everyone out, and specifically grab Jin.
Jin wakes up in that weird Dharma room that plays Tool videos and demands that Zoe bring him to Widmore, which she does, and an unusually sentimental Widmore gives Jin a camera out of Sun’s luggage featuring some photos that Jin has never seen:
Noooawww! It’s just photos of Jin’s child who he’s never seen (and who’s being raised by Kate in a Sun wig, bizarrely). Widmore warns Jin that if the Man In Black gets off the island, it won’t be all quirky and amusing like the movie Men In Black, it’ll actually stop the daughters of Widmore and Jin from ever existing, or at the very least get wine all over them.
Widmore’s solution? He has a secret package on board. “What is it?” asks Jin. “Perhaps you should ask, WHEN is it,” Widmore answers. [SIDENOTE: Agree/Disagree that “That’s not Locke…” is this season’s “You mean when are we?” Everyone agrees including people who aren’t reading this and haven’t seen the show? Cool, thanks] So who is Widmore’s secret package? You’re just gonna have to keep reading to find out, especially if your DVR cut off the end (the ultimate twist!) I’m hoping it’s Walt, somehow as a baby.
Back with the other islanders, Sun storms off to do some angry gardening in her garden that isn’t anything, and after some poor candidate-explaining from Jack (is he capable of any other kind?), Sun is approached by Locke, who says he’s kept his promise to unite her and Jin and that she should follow him, even though he can’t force her to. Sun doesn’t trust the monster because he’s a giant monster made out of smoke who killed everyone at the temple and inhabited Locke’s corpse and is manipulating everyone, and Locke’s like “ohhh pish posh,” but Sun takes off running from him, slams her head into a branch, and FORGETS ENGLISH. What is this, the Full House finale, only less plausible?
As if the Sun/English plot wasn’t random and inconvenient enough (we’ve only got six episodes left and we’re wasting time writing sh*t down?), ABC perfectly covered up Sun’s notepad with their countdown to the V premiere clock:
That’s nice work, boys!
Jack tries to bond with Sun, telling her “You know what they say, the stubborn tomato gets the…island…win!” Sun rolls her eyes and asks Jack if he wants to join the exclusive “Pen 15″ club, and Jack’s like “Sure!” They awkwardly reconcile, and presumably follow up on Richard’s suggestion for everyone to pack their hellbags and get the hell out of hell.
On the other island, Locke converses with Widmore through a smoke monster repellor gate and demands that Widmore hand over Jin so he can assemble all the candidates because he’s a super OCD completist when it comes to collections. Widmore puts his sly voice back on and responds “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and Locke declares, “As a wise man once said: War.” So they’re at war now. By war, he means that Sayid — who earlier confessed he no longer feels pain or emotion — has been sent to swim over and infiltrate Widmore’s sub, and wouldn’t ya know it, he comes face to face with Brother Package himself, Desmond. LOST. Surely Sayid “feels” enough not to do anything to Des, right? If anything happens to that dude, Lost producers, every female friend of mine is going to denounce this show’s existence forever, so you might wanna think about reshooting the finale if that’s the case, k? Lostxellent.
— Locke repeats the mantra, “Whatever happens, happens” in his discussion with Claire. Hopefully this season really means it, as opposed to Lost’s former mantra, “Whatever happens, gets ignored for three weeks while other crap gets dealt with, then maybe the happening thing continues happening.”
— It would’ve been an amusing running gag if Jin had told Widmore, “Seriously, let me go and I’ll bring Locke right to you – seeya!” and have every islander do this once an episode the rest of the season.
— Locke “needs” Claire and Kate, even though neither one’s a candidate. Does he need them for manipulative purposes because he can’t kill the candidates himself? Or is he just keeping his dream threesome intact?
— How will Desmond’s presence defeat the smoke monster? Perhaps the only way to kill Locke is by stabbing him in the heart with stubble as the word “brotha” is spoken?
— Ben ‘kills’ Alex to spite Keamy, Jin possibly kills his kid to also spite Keamy (with bullets) — maybe a parallel? Maybe perpendicular. Maybe isosceles.
— Before he dies, Keamy manages to utter the bombshell of a line, “Some people just aren’t meant to be together,” in reference to Jin and Sun’s doomed alternate-reality relationship. If there’s any parallels between the sideways flashes, they’re becoming more and more blurry, as even the notion of the lives generally being more positive remains in question. They’re just different. I imagine there’ll be a slightly more profound or layered connection when all’s said and done, but personally, if the message ends up being a vague “things are just kinda random and different,” I’d be cool with that.
Next week on Lost: A police funeral. I was wondering when they were gonna tie up the loose end of there not being a police funeral.
“The Package” episode thoughts? Reactions? Theories? Favorite quotes? Least favorite parts? Theories? Axioms? Corrollaries? Only six episodes left, so get yer comments in now!