When we first came across the Sandra Bullock sex tape story yesterday we laughed because it was so insane. But people keep writing about it and since we are sheep we’ll jump on board, because it’s truly the greatest fake story of all time. The rumor can be traced back to one person, Ian Halperin, who has recently written tell-all books on Angelina Jolie and Michael Jackson. While he did predict Jackson’s death (but who didn’t, honestly) the guy is mostly known for offering up a lot of salacious, unsubstantiated rumors about celebs.
Fast forward to Halperin’s recent blog post dishing on this alleged Sandra Bullock-Jesse James sex tape. He writes on his website IanUndercover.com, “IUC confirmed late last night that Jesse James has the goods on his wife. It includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler moustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s asshole with a shotgun in his left hand. This in from a close friend of the couple who has been in contact with both parties.”
According to this guy, America’s sweetheart is covered in sh*t. We could probably buy one of the tidbits list above, but the combination of the crap stache with Nazi roleplay and shotgun butt-sex just makes this one too insane to even pretend to believe. Not to be undone by himself, Halperin also claims that Sandra is allegedly “terrified” of Jesse and fearing for her life, that Jesse is guarding this tape to use in their divorce proceedings and most disturbingly, “Jesse often gets an erection by reading women Nazi literature.”
In other news we don’t believe, Jesse James’ lawyer claims that his client loves Sandy “more than anything in his life.”
Hey, remember when Sandra Bullock won an Oscar a few weeks ago? That was cool, right?